“No, Richard*,” I pleaded. “Let’s wait till our wedding night.”

As Christians, Richard, 22, and I had agreed to abstain from sex until marriage, but recently he’d been trying it on.

I was terrified, but he insisted until he got his way.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated afterwards in tears. “I got carried away. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

He explained he’d been abused as a child and he’d been seeing a counsellor to work through it.

He’ll grow out of it once we’re married, I told myself.

Truth was, I knew very little about the man I was marrying.

We’d met earlier that year when he came into the health food shop where 
I worked to buy supplements.

It was 1988, Richard was a member of the RAF, and I was just 18.

Once we got together, he bombarded me with professions of love.

My childhood 
had also been dysfunctional, so this overload of affection was disarming, and I chose 
to ignore parts of our relationship I didn’t like.

Six weeks in, Richard  proposed to me.

“Make sure you keep your ring sparkling,” he ordered me, “otherwise I’ll sell it.”

His controlling behaviour only worsened once we married. He’d tell me what to wear, what to eat and even make me explain how I’d cleaned myself in the shower. He also expected sex on demand.

“I’m the head of this house and you’ll put out whenever I want
 it!” he’d yell.

I desperately wanted freedom, but was too scared to escape.

Maybe having children will fix things, I prayed.

Our first child, Kylie*, arrived in 1992.

Richard soon became jealous the baby was taking my attention. “I’m starved of sex, Xenia,” he’d complain. “You’re withholding what’s rightfully mine!”

As Kylie grew, her strong-willed personality aggravated him.

Once, he was trying to teach her to count and when she couldn’t remember what came after five, he slapped her across the head.

“Richard! Don’t!” I cried.

“You don’t know how to parent properly,” he hissed.

Maybe he’s right, I thought. He’d diminished my self-confidence.

Over the next five years, we had three more children, but this didn’t quell Richard’s violence and I had no idea how to leave.

Occasionally, I contemplated ending my life, but I couldn’t risk the kids finding me.

Finally, in April 2005, Richard announced he wanted to separate.

“I know it’s not what you want, but it’s the only way,” he said.

Little did he know, my prayers had been answered!

“But I want to see the kids,” he clarified.

Although I didn’t like the children being alone with Richard, I reluctantly agreed for them to stay with him regularly.

Feeling lonely after we separated, I joined a Christian chat site and connected with a man named Simon, 39.

He was on the Gold Coast, a world away from my home in the UK, so I felt safe telling him my story.

During our phone calls, I found myself falling in love.

In August 2006, I visited Simon, and we soon decided to marry. When he came to live with us the following year, the kids warmed to him quickly, but his loving nature was foreign to me.

He’d bring me coffee in bed. “What’s this for?” I asked him.

“Because I love you,” he said, smiling.

After years of abuse, being respected was difficult to fathom.

I hoped our family was starting a new chapter but later that year, when Kylie was 14, she started acting erratically.

I suspected something was wrong.

I asked her if the 19-year-old boy she’d been hanging out with was touching her.

“You’re way off,” she laughed.

The kids stayed with Richard for the next few days. When they returned, Kylie asked to speak with me.

“You know how you asked if someone’s been touching me?” she said, trembling. “It’s Dad.”

Stunned, I hugged her tightly and we sobbed.

“I’m so sorry,” was all I could muster.

I didn’t want to know the details.

Even after all Richard had done to me, I never imagined he’d hurt one of our kids like this.

I felt sick, but needed to be strong.

Together, we told Simon.

“We need to go to the police,” he insisted.

Over the next six months, police conducted their investigation, revealing what Richard had done to my daughter.

I was heartbroken.

Richard went to trial in 2009 and was found guilty of 14 charges of sexual activity with a child.

“You are a selfish, sex-obsessed, dominating, arrogant and manipulative individual,” the judge declared.

Richard, 43, was sentenced to just nine years in jail.

I felt relieved it was over but it didn’t seem like justice.

At the kids’ request Simon officially adopted them, and in January 2010, we moved to the Gold Coast to start over.

Inspired by the story of Noah’s Ark, Simon and I built a place for families who were in similar storms to the one we’d weathered.

We started a charity called At the Ark aimed at preventing sexual abuse, and protecting victims.

I couldn’t protect my child, I thought, but now I’ll protect as many as I can.

I also published a series of children’s books called Brave Little Bear advising kids on how to protect themselves from predators.

In 2020, I received Heart of Women’s Woman of the Year award, and this year their Making a Difference group award for At the Ark.

All my kids have grown into well-rounded adults.

For a long time, I carried guilt about what Richard put us all through, but through the healing power of grace we are closer as a family than ever.

Looking back, I realise that before Richard’s abuse became physical, it had already started as subtle manipulations.

I share my story so other victims of abuse might identify these warning signs and see there’s always hope.

*Names have been changed.

For info, visit attheark.org.au

If you have been abused and need support, call 1800 737 732 (Aus) or 0800 456 450 (NZ)

The post “Too scared to escape” Evil husband abused me, and my child appeared first on Now To Love.

The 2600-capacity cruise ship is spacious, easy to navigate and never feels crowded, while the staterooms are decked out with luxe bed linen and bath products, so we feel extra special from day one.

With the balcony a nice extra, our stateroom is not much smaller than our bedroom at home, and we settle in with ease. Once unpacked, it’s time to visit the bar for ‘sail away’ drinks as we hit the harbour on the way from Canada into Alaska.

Our cruise takes us first along the Inside Passage – 
a route that takes the ship from Vancouver along the scenic coastline and up to Juneau. Here, we disembark and explore the Alaskan town, eating oysters at a food truck and shopping in the town’s many souvenir shops, before boarding a coach for our first excursion – whale watching! Our boat heads out to sea where 
we spot humpbacks as 
they dive under the water – an amazing sight!

Back on the ship, we explore the food options – settling for Lido, a food-court-style restaurant with an array of different cuisines available, before we head to the B13 Kings Blues club for some seriously good music.

Next we get to scenic Skagway – a gold rush area filled with saloons and trading posts and a narrow-gauge railway which connected the 
town to the Yukon. There’s lots to see here and we spend much of the day wandering the streets. Back on board, we try out one of the five non-included restaurants on the ship – and for a small charge at the Pinnacle Grill, we eat some truly amazing steaks.

While at sea for the day, as we head towards the spectacular Glacier Bay, we have a chance to really explore the ship. We book into the Greenhouse spa for treatments and I get a luxurious facial. We also do a wine workshop called Blend, where we make our own bottles of wine!

Glacier Bay National Park is a true highlight of the cruise. We sail into the scenic bay, surrounded by glaciers and mountains before the main attraction comes into view and the captain turns the ship around slowly so everyone can see the majestic Margerie Glacier. It’s awe-inspiring to see this huge ice flow and to watch seals swimming in the water alongside giant icebergs.

Another highlight? A scenic seaplane flight over the port of Ketchikan as we head to a salmon hatchery to try and spot bears. The flight takes us over beautiful bays and beaches where we watch eagles soar.

We find time to try the other special restaurants on board on our journey back to Vancouver. Rudi’s Sel de Mer is a seafood lover’s paradise; sushi at Nami is some of the best we’d ever eaten, while Canaletto serves tasty pasta. It’s said that everyone puts on kilos on a cruise, and we feel like our waistbands are tighter – but it’s worth it!

Another sea day at the end of the trip means we get to relax on our balcony – drinking a mimosa, 
reading then having one 
last dinner onboard.

As the scenery of the Inside Passage glides by once more, and we have to start thinking about repacking our bags, we vow we’ll do this again… Alaska and the Koningsdam have won our hearts!

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Five tips for cruising in style

1. Do at least one of the organised excursions on offer – they’re worth it, even though they can seem pricey! You come away with knowledge you don’t get from simply getting off the ship for a look around.

2. Do get off the ship and look around, too. Each town you visit is bound to have something to interest you, from shopping to food to hidden treasures and experiences.

3. If you’re planning to have a few drinks, buy a drinks package or a preloaded beverage card – alcohol adds up and you will find this is the more economical option.

4. Opt in for unlimited laundry – it works out far cheaper than sending individual loads, and there is nothing nicer than coming back to your stateroom to a bunch of clean, pressed clothes! Take laundry sheets (we used Re.Stor, available at Woolworths) with you for handwashing delicates.

5. Go to a show or three! To be watching a blues band or a dance show on a ship makes the experience even more special.

The post Top tips for how to cruise through Alaska appeared first on Now To Love.

“Thanks, love,” I mumbled.

“Something on your mind, Mum?” she asked.

“I’ve been single for 13 years today,” I said, reflecting.

Amanda reached for my hand and squeezed it.

“I’m so proud of you for having the courage to leave Dad,” she said.

It had been a miserable marriage, where I’d been subject to brutal beatings and raped by my husband.

Finally, after 33 years, enough was enough and I went to the police.

He was sentenced to 17 years in jail, but ever since, my self-esteem had been in tatters. I’d been terrified of men and entering a new relationship.

Deep down, I really wanted someone loving to share my life with, though.

One day, I opened up to 
a girlfriend.

“I haven’t been with anyone sexually for 13 years,” I admitted.

“You should try an escort service,” she said.

She explained that after separating from her husband, she’d had several lovely dates with a male escort.

“It really helped my confidence,” she said.

I was intrigued.

“Maybe,” I said. “But it would be hard to fit it in with work and the kids.”

I had three beautiful daughters and seven grandchildren, and I also ran my business, We Care Professional Support, which offers round-the-clock care to those in palliative care and individuals with disabilities.

It had been nominated for 10 awards in the past two years, and recently I’d been invited to another fancy ceremony, this 
one in Sydney.

“It’s a bit embarrassing sitting on my own at these things when everyone else is with their partner,” I confessed to Amanda.

It got me thinking about the conversation I’d had with my friend.

What if I could pay someone to accompany me?

Sitting on the couch that night, I went online to the escort site my friend had suggested. It was expensive, but I had some money saved.

Flicking through the different escorts, Christian’s kind eyes got my attention.

Aged 30, he was 22 years younger than me, and gorgeous.

Offering a ‘boyfriend experience’, he promised 
four hours of love and companionship for $1000.

Four hours of romance? 
I didn’t think I’d ever experienced that.

I can’t believe I’m really doing this! I thought, pressing the ‘confirm’ button.

Christian and I talked for weeks before the event to make sure I was comfortable.

One evening, he sent me 
a photo in his suit.

What do you think of this bow tie, will it match your dress? he’d written.

I nearly fainted!

Amanda and I are so close I decided to tell my daughter about my plan.

“I’m not going to go to the event in Sydney alone after all…” I began. “I decided to book an escort!”

When I showed Amanda Christian’s photo, she burst out laughing.

“Oh my gosh, Mum! How old is he?” she giggled.

“Don’t worry, we’re not dating, it’s just a contract,” I reassured her. “I’m so excited, I bought a new dress and I’ve been working out. I already feel so much more confident.”

“I’m proud of you, Mama Bear,” she smiled. “I think this could be really good for you.”

But later, the nerves set in and I texted Christian.

I’m feeling really scared, my ex was abusive and I’m afraid to be alone with men, 
I admitted.

Can I call you? he replied.

He spent hours on the phone listening and reassuring me I’d be safe.

By the time I boarded 
the flight from Brisbane to Sydney three weeks later, all 
I felt was excitement.

Christian was at the hotel to meet me.

“Welcome to Sydney,” he said, hugging me and taking my bags.

Treating me like a princess from the minute I arrived, he escorted me to my room to get ready.

And when my sequinned dress was too big from 
all the exercise I’d been doing, Christian found a sewing kit and took it in.

“How did you learn how 
to treat a woman so well?” 
I asked, choked up.

“I learned from all the wonderful women in my life,” he admitted.

Christian was the perfect gentleman all night. He opened doors, pulled out seats for me, held my hand, and was a beautiful dinner companion with dazzling conversation.

I’m shy, but he effortlessly brought me into the conversation with other people at our table.

When I was announced runner-up, I didn’t mind.

“You’re already a winner,” Christian said. And I felt it, for the huge steps I’d taken to be here.

Back at the hotel, he walked me to my room.

“Can you undo my zipper?” I asked nervously.

“Of course,” he said, following me in.

We flirted and laughed together, but I wasn’t ready for it to go any further.

“You’ve restored my faith in men,” I told him.

“I’m sorry anyone ever treated you the way you’ve been treated,” he said, pulling me in for a hug with tears in his eyes.

Christian was with me for more than double the time I paid for, plus weeks of calling and texting, and he wouldn’t accept an extra cent.

“How was it?” Amanda asked eagerly when 
I got home.

“It helped me realise the problem was never me,” I said. “Christian showed me how a woman should be treated.”

The experience proved there are good men out there and my past experiences don’t dictate my worth. 
I want other women to 
know this too.

I’m now open to dating. I won’t be rushing to use the apps, but I’d like to meet someone organically.

I’ve already texted Christian for my next awards night in Sydney in April.

I know the option is there if I’d like to take it further and be intimate.

I don’t know how it will go, but I know I’ll feel safe and respected whatever happens.

The post After years of abuse, I hired an escort… and something remarkable happened appeared first on Now To Love.

“We’ve got no milk,” I sighed.

It was 1975 and as a farmer’s wife, it was my job to make sure the workmen had a tasty treat for afternoon tea.

Living in the country town of Beverley, two hours inland from Perth, simply popping to the shops wasn’t an option. 

Growing up, my family lived on a remote farm, too, so improvising while making a recipe was second nature.

Scanning the pantry for a milk supplement, I stumbled across a tin of condensed tomato soup.

This’ll do, I thought, pouring it in and hoping for the best.

An hour later, I pulled the loaf out of the oven and was pleased to see it looked okay, but the proof would be in the pudding.

Serving it up, I waited with baited breath as the workmen took their first bites.

“This is delicious,” they finally said, flooding me with relief.

“What’s in it?” one asked me.

“Tomato soup,” I replied.

The surprised look on their faces made me chuckle.

“Incredible,” they beamed.

It went down so well, I started baking the cake a few times a year.

It was a firm favourite among my three kids, Angie, 47, Cathryn, 45, and Steven, 41, and still is now.

Then recently, after years of living on my own I moved, with my Maltese-Shitzu, Chelsea, to the Serenitas’ Tuart Lakes over-50s lifestyle village in Baldivis, south of Perth.

There’s a wonderful community with many morning teas and sporting events.

I’ve baked all sorts of cakes for morning tea, including my tomato soup cake.

Then one day a staff member at the community asked if I was interested in submitting a recipe to the annual Mother’s Day Sweet Moments Cookbook.

Each year, it’s gifted to all of the residents in the community.

“Of course,” I beamed, knowing exactly which recipe to submit.

This May, seeing my Mystery cake recipe in print was a real treat.

And the residents loved it!

I hope by sharing my recipe, I can inspire others to get creative in the kitchen – you may just create a masterpiece! 

Robyn’s Mystery Cake recipe

PREP TIME: 20 mins COOK TIME: 45 mins

2 cups self-raising flour

1/2 tsp salt

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp ground nutmeg

1/2 tsp ground cloves

1 tsp bicarbonate of soda

60g butter, softened

1/2 cup caster sugar

320g can condensed tomato soup*

1 cup chopped walnuts

1 cup raisins or sultanas

Method:

1 Preheat the oven to 180°C and line a loaf tin with baking paper.

2 Sift the self-raising flour and add salt, cinnamon, ground nutmeg, ground cloves and bicarbonate of soda into a mixing bowl.

3 In a separate mixing bowl, cream the butter and caster sugar until light and fluffy.

4 Add the flour mixture to the butter mixture alternating with the condensed tomato soup, stirring until the mixture is smooth. Fold in the chopped walnuts and raisins or sultanas.

5 Pour the mixture into the prepared loaf tin and bake in the preheated oven for 45 minutes.

6 Allow the cake to cool in the tin for 10 minutes before transferring it to a wire rack to cool completely.

7 Serve the loaf with butter or a dollop of double cream. *Note: if you can’t find a 320g tin soup, use a 420g tin and serve remaining soup mixed with a little boiled water in mugs alongside the loaf.

The post My shocking secret ingredient that will make your cake taste better! appeared first on Now To Love.