Yes, we’re talking about dating apps.

Navigating the online dating scene can be daunting, but there’s no time like the present to test out which app (or multiple apps) are right for you.

So below we’ve rounded up the best dating apps available for over 50s in Australia.

The best dating apps for over 50s in Australia

1. eHarmony

eHarmony was launched two whole decades ago, long before dating apps were a common thing and they’re now the #1 most trusted dating app in Australia!

It was the first site to introduce an algorithm to dating, and within its first 10 years, more than 33 million people used the platform.

The company’s leading stats aren’t anything to sneeze at, they’ve helped more than two million people find love, and claim to be the site most likely to lead to a happy relationship.

They boast the highest quality dating pool and with 10 million users across the globe, it’s time to dive right in and find your match.

And if you’re wondering, ‘Is eHarmony good for 50-year-olds?’, the answer is yes! The dating app has built a strong reputation with singles over 50, boasting that every 14 minutes someone on eHarmony finds love.

Start your love journey for FREE today, with eHarmony.

2. Elite Singles

Powered by one of Europe’s “leading online matchmaking providers”, Elite Singles is designed for Aussies looking for a “long-term commitment”.

Rather than having to wade through countless profiles, Elite Singles uses its matchmaking process to narrow your dating pool to people you will actually be compatible with on a meaningful level.

Elite Singles also regularly monitors its users’ profiles.

“We curate the site by verifying profiles, automatically removing inactive members, and proactively removing users we suspect are not serious.”

SIGN UP HERE

3. Hinge

Think of Hinge as the less swipe-happy version of popular dating app, Tinder. Hinge focuses on personality by asking users to answer three questions about themselves, which are then refreshed with new questions each month.

It also uses a Nobel Prize-winning algorithm to help determine your best match.

Free members can only send a number of “likes” per day, meaning they have to be more thoughtful about finding the right person.

Further, the ‘Date From Home’ feature “enables users to easily signal when they are ready for a virtual date and transition from messaging, to meeting digitally for the first time to get to know each other better.”

SIGN UP HERE

4. RSVP

Having first launched in 1997, RSVP has been connecting singles for over 20 years – so, they must be doing something right.

While the site isn’t age-specific, its users average at 35+ years of age. They also have specific RSVP sites for both mature dating and seniors, catering to older demographics.

RSVP offers one of the most specific search capabilities of any site too, so you can look up members according to education or even eye colour – for those who know they have a “type”.

SIGN UP HERE

5. Concha

Concha focuses on building real connections, they want users to talk before they text. Meaning it’s perfect for those who prefer face-to-face interaction but still want to date online.

“Once you’ve matched with a potential love interest, you’ll be able to call them (at the right time), or send them a voice message.”

SIGN UP HERE

Related articles:

• 5 tips from a dating expert that prove you’re never too old to try dating online
• 5 tips for finding love with online dating sites

The post Looking for your ‘appily ever after? These are the best dating apps and sites for over 50s appeared first on Now To Love.

Every year, singles around Australia grumble (or cry) through the day on February 14 and it can be tough to get in the spirit of things when your dating life isn’t living up to the Hallmark expectations.

Fortunately, V Day isn’t just about loving someone else, it can also be about loving yourself. A little self-love, if you will…

Sex toy sales shot through the roof when the pandemic kicked off in 2020 and Aussies seem more open about sex than ever before.

So if you’re spending this Valentine’s Day alone because you’re single, in a long-distance romance or your partner is just out of town, don’t fret!

The best sex toys for Valentine’s Day

We’ve rounded up the best sex toys to get you really, really enjoying your Valentine’s Day solo.

Durex Play Vibe & Tease Vibrator

Durex Play Vibe & Tease Vibrator, $59.99 at Amazon

With seven (yes, seven!) vibration settings, Vibe & Tease is made of high-quality silky, soft silicone and is water resistant, making bath or shower a fun new rendezvous spot.

SHOP NOW

Lovense Lush 3 Egg Vibrator

Lovense Lush 3 Egg Vibrator, $239.95 at Lovehoney

This app-controlled vibe may look a little futuristic, but its near-silent vibrations are guaranteed to have you feeling amazing. Plus, you can use it with a long-distance partner.

SHOP NOW

Missy Vibrator

Missy Vibrator, $149 at Girls Get Off

This discreet and quiet vibrator is the best of, well… every world. With 10 different suction modes and intensity levels, it’s guaranteed to satisfy.

SHOP NOW

Vibin Silicone Toy

Vibin’ Silicone Toy, $90 at MOMENTS Condoms

It’s cute, it’s colourful and best of all it’s discreet – no need to hide this tiny vibrator under the mattress!

SHOP NOW

frenchie-the-double-entendre

The Double Entendre, $95 at Frenchie

If you’re after a toy that can do almost everything, this dual-motor flexible toy definitely ticks the box; it can provide internal G-spot pleasure and clitoral stimulation at the same time.

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Lelo Sona stimulator

Lelo Sona stimulator, $119 at Lelo

Not only is it super pretty, this clitoral stimulator uses gentle sonic waves instead of conventional vibrations for a whole new kind of fun.

SHOP NOW

Satisfyer Pro 2 Clitoral Stimulator

Satisfyer Pro 2 Clitoral Stimulator, $79.99 (usually $99.99) at Wild Secrets

It’s pretty and powerful, delivering touch-free clitoral stimulation with unique air pulses that will leave you breathless.

SHOP NOW

Shine G-Spot Vibrator

Shine G-Spot Vibrator, $88 at The Iconic

Shine is a g-spot vibrator with curves in all the right places, 10 vibration settings and a fully waterproof design – not to mention it’s super cute.

SHOP NOW

Lelo Smart Wand

Lelo Smart Wand, $202.30 (usually $289) at Lelo

It’s a classic wand, but better. With eight massage patterns and a remarkably steady handle, we guarantee it will be love at first touch.

SHOP NOW

Touch X Vibrator

Touch X Vibrator, $149 at We-Vibe

This is a unique little lay-on vibrator perfect for releasing all kinds of tension, not to mention it’s whisper quiet and waterproof.

SHOP NOW

Truly Yours Red Alert Vibrating Bullet

Truly Yours Red Alert Vibrating Bullet, $24.69 at Amazon

Want to dip your toe into the world of sex toys while shopping on a budget? This spicy little bullet vibe is the one for you.

SHOP NOW

The Billionaire

The Billionaire, $74.95 at The Iconic

This is chic vibrator for first-timers who don’t want to choose between external and internal fun, so it can give you a bit of both!

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Velvetine Willow Pleasure Wand

Velvetine Willow Pleasure Wand, $54.95 at Hardtofind

This wand is small but mighty, and ultra quiet, so it’s the perfect option if you’re not ready to commit to a full sized wand.

SHOP NOW

The post Single on Valentine’s Day? These 13 sex toys will have you feeling the love… and lust appeared first on Now To Love.

Taking to Instagram on Thursday with a cheeky bikini photo, Married At First Sight’s latest fan favourite posed with a baby pink vibrator and a big grin.

But it wasn’t her flirty photo that had fans talking – it was her X-rated challenge in the caption.

She revealed she’d partnered with self-love and wellness brand VUSH to encourage herself and fans “to prioritise ourselves by challenging us to masturbate for 30 days”.

Yes, you read that right.

“We always tell ourselves that we don’t have time or we feel guilty for having a self-love moment… But did you know masturbating actually increases productivity??” Domenica continued.

“It lowers stress levels, improves sleep quality, promotes better physical health & is the ultimate mood booster.”

The MAFS star then announced she’d be taking on the challenge to indulge in a little self-love every day for a month and urged fans to join in and “see the results for yourself“.

Speaking about the challenge on her and Ella Ding’s Sit With Us podcast, Domenica revealed: “I’m currently on day 3; getting up close and personal with myself; it’s actually the most incredible task to do! Cannot wait for the rest!”

Domenica has always been sex-positive, speaking openly about sex on the show and online since the finale.

Now she’s partnered VUSH – the same brand Abbie Chatfield collaborated on a vibrator with – to promote the masturbation challenge and her followers seem to be loving the concept.

WATCH: Chantelle Otten shocks fans with public outing using hidden sex toy

“Tired of society believing that it is taboo for women to have a maz,” one person commented on the post.

Others weren’t sure they could keep up, with one follower joking; “Every day for 30 days? Oh god I just don’t think I’ve got that kind of energy or commitment.”

It helps that Domenica is also spruiking a massive discount on her favourite toy, offering followers 50 per cent off the Empress 2 vibrator.

Gushing about the toy’s “powerful suction tech” and “mix and match patterns and levels”, she urged fans to snag one for themselves half price with her code “DomICF50”.

She’s the latest in a string of reality TV celebs to partner with sexual wellness brands to promote more positivity around self-love – and make a bit of bank on the side.

Abbie Chatfield did it first with her VUSH vibrator and more recently Ella Ding jumped on the bandwagon, promoting the same toy as bestie Domenica.

Not only are all three women huge sex-positive advocates, they also make a killing with the spicy brand deals.

Pick up one of the Empress 2 toys here for yourself.

The post Why this racy detail in Domencia Calarco’s latest selfie has fans in an absolute frenzy appeared first on Now To Love.

The 28-year-old, who recently announced her collaboration with sexual wellness brand VUSH, revealed that she once used a sex toy “religiously for five years straight, every single night, six times a night.”

“I became heavily reliant on it, addicted to it,” she explained on the podcast, “[And] the settings rapidly increased,” Ella said on her and Domenica Calarco’s Sit With Us podcast.

“You’ve gotta be really careful because I basically made my clit desensitised to anything from a man. It just wasn’t feeling good because I got so used to the pressure and strength of the vibrator.

“I had to put it away. I said to myself, you have to stop using this, because it was making it harder to be with a man with no toy.”

Ella said to combat the impact it had on her sexual relationships, she put her vibrator aside for a couple of years to regain her sensitivity by pleasuring herself the old fashioned way.

“I actually put it away for two or three years, and I started to take it back a notch, because I needed to get that sensitivity back and go manual,” she said.

Ella said she still loves sex toys, but has learnt how to use them in moderation.

“It’s so much fun. Last night I got off four times,” she said.

Ella’s confession comes two weeks after she announced her partnership with VUSH, the sexual wellness company Abbie Chatfield previously collaborated with.

“I have absolutely no shame around my self love game! Being single for so long has motivated me to understand loving myself alone. And it’s fun!” Ella penned on Instagram alongside a photo of her holding a pink VUSH vibrator.

“It’s a time where you can slow down & release stress or whatever it may be.”

Ella said the Empress 2 is her “go-to” for self-pleasure, and incentivised her followers to give the game-changing toy a go with 50 per cent off discounts.

The reality star explained that being single for most of her 20s has motivated her to explore her sexual experiences more.

“As women not being overly educated on how our sexual experiences should be when I had my first orgasm from a self-love sesh, I realised how much I was missing. It literally changed my life and confidence forever,” she told Pedestrian.

“Self-love is broad. It could be spending the day alone and booking a spa day. Or lighting candles and reading an erotic book and getting lost in my imagination.”

And Ella isn’t the first reality TV star to break down the taboo of sex toys! In April 2021, former Bachelor star Abbie Chatfield collaborated with VUSH to sell a special range of $150 vibrators.

The venture was so successful that the profit from Abbie’s business deal afforded her a $1.45million Byron Bay home.

SHOP THE VUSH EMPRESS 2 HERE

The post “Desensitised to anything from a man”: MAFS star Ella Ding reveals she was once addicted to her sex toy appeared first on Now To Love.

You know that to keep your relationship strong, being able to communicate is the key.

But what you don’t realise is that you don’t always need to have a heart-to-heart, or even speak at all, to stay tight.

Instead, a 2018 study showed that a fleeting touch (we are talking for as little as five seconds) can express specific emotions, such as happiness, love and anger.

“Touch is one of the most primitive ways we can communicate, but it is also one of the most effective,” explained David Givens, PHD, director of the Centre of Nonverbal Studies.

“It’s the first ‘language’ we learn as babies, so we understand it quickly and instinctively.”

This is awesome news for couples.

“A simple gesture can have more impact on him than a lengthy conversation might,” says Givens.

Read on to discover which touches will improve your communication skills as a couple.

Want your own fairytale love story? Sign up for eHarmony today.

When you need to say “I’m sorry”

Reach over and squeeze his knee (while you’re both sitting)

Touching his knee as you apologise makes him feel connected to you, so he is more receptive to what you are trying to say.

“The knee is your go-to area spot because it’s neutral territory,” explains Givens.

“It’s not as invasive as touching a leg or an arm would be, so he won’t recoil if he is upset.”

Plus when you extend your arm to touch his knee, your body has to bend forward slightly.

“This is a submissive posture that subconsciously signals to his brain that you are genuinely contrite and would like his forgiveness,” says Givens.

And since you’re (very subtly) “bowing toward him, it makes him feel validated, so he’s even more likely to accept your apology.”

When you want to get him to do something he doesn’t want to do…

Grasp his hands and coax them into a prayer position, then position your hands over his.

Arranging your hands as if you’re praying projects power and control (it’s a gesture executives and politicians use all the time while speaking).

“And by placing his hands between yours, you’re subconsciously signalling him that you are the dominant one in this scenario,” says Field.

“As a result, your words become more persuasive to him, though he won’t know why.”

When you want to let him know you are turned on…

Put your hand on the top of his inner thigh.

This move isn’t effective just because it is super close to his package (though that doesn’t hurt).

“The upper part of his inner thigh is a sensitive area on its own,” says Givens.

“It’s loaded with nerve endings that connect to his genitals.”

Plus the skin in this region is more tender, since it’s the part of the thigh that generally has the least amount of muscle.

“Stroke and lightly knead his inner thigh with your fingers,” says Wexler. It’ll guarantee his hands will be all over you as soon as possible.

When he’s upset…

Lightly scratch his neck along the hairline.

It’s the ultimate soother for two reasons.

First, racking your fingers through his hair taps into primitive grooming instincts.

“Preening is a universal caretaking gesture that everything from birds to primates to humans, use to show affection says Givens, “It’s a nurturing move that makes him feel safe and more calm.”

The trapezius muscle (a large back muscle) also extends up through the neck, “This area is where we tend to carry the bulk of the stress in our bodies,” says Tiffany Field, director of the Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami ‘s Miller School of Medicine.

As a result, whatever is upsetting him is literally a pain in the neck.

“Stroking the trapezius helps him to relax, just as a massage would,” Field says.

When he’s angry and you need to defuse a fight

Place your hand on top of his shoulder, keeping your elbow straight.

This is like hitting the pause button on his brain during an argument.

While the motion is firm- keeping your arm straight carries more power and commands attention, according to Givens, the comforting contact will help to calm down your guy (the shoulder is an ideal spot to touch in a moment like this, since it’s well protected with muscle and less sensitive as opposed to more vulnerable places, like his face and neck).

“Your touch will bring him out of the heat of the moment and remind him of your bond, taking his anger down a notch,” explains Givens.

The key, though, is to use this move just as a fight is beginning and his heated emotions are still at a simmer and not at full boil.

“Otherwise, stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol will have spiked to the point where your peacemaking gesture is lost on him,” says Givens.

When you want to say “I love you”

Gently place your hands on his cheeks.

A guy’s face is extra sensitive- even after he has shaved, his scruff has special tactile sensors that wrap around the hair follicles.

“A higher number of follicles make a man’s face more sensitive than a woman’s,” says Givens.

“That makes this a great spot to take advantage of, since a woman’s skin is usually more delicate than a man’s.”

Plus, the hands-on-your-lover’s-cheeks gesture is interpreted as especially romantic (that’s why it’s used in practically every movie kissing scene).

“The face is one of the most emotionally intimate spots on the body, so holding his closely communicates the deep bond you feel with him,” says Field.

Decode his response

Physical contact makes it easier to pick up immediately on your partner’s perspective, since you can feel his body react in your hands (as opposed to having to gauge his facial expression or tone of voice).

Look for these clues to figure out what’s going through his head.

He tenses up

You’ll feel his muscles contract under your hand, like a reflex.

This indicates that he is nervous and unreceptive (for example he may be unconvinced by your apology, if you feel his knee twitch as you squeeze it).

He leans into you

If he subtly shifts his body to meet yours (like by melting as you scratch his neck), he’s showing you that he’s under your influence.

This means he’s more likely to agree to walk the dog or want to stop a fight.

He angles his body away from you

By maintaining the physical connection, he is showing that he is open to what you are saying, but angling to the side means he’s not totally sold (it’s a physical sign of his ambivalence).

He’s perfectly still

Typically, no reaction is the worst reaction.

That means he is completely disengaged from the conversation and has built up a wall.

You’re better off waiting until another time, when he’s not shutting you out.

The post There’s one place you should reach for on your partner when you want to say “I love you,” according to this study appeared first on Now To Love.

Is it weird for guys to ask for them? Is it even weirder to send one out of the blue? Should I be wearing sexy lingerie? Can I put a Snapchat filter over my face, seeing as I just removed my makeup?

Well, we grilled eight guys and two girls to find out exactly what they like when it comes to receiving a naked snap. And the answers were definitely surprising.

Of course, before we get into the ins and outs of actually taking a nude, it’s important to remember that you’re never obligated to take or send nude photos to anyone.

It’s also important to keep your own safety in mind when it comes to sharing saucy images, as once a photo leaves your phone you have very little control over where it goes next. None of this is to say that you shouldn’t take or send nude pics, but it’s good to acknowledge and understand the risks.

If your photos are shared without your consent or used against you in any way, know that there is support available. Anyone experiencing image-based abuse or ‘revenge porn’ can make a report to the eSafety Commissioner or police.

If you or someone you know needs support, help is always available. Call 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or Lifeline on 13 11 14.

1. Anything goes. “To be honest, if I’m in that mood where I want nudes, I just want some form of nudity. There isn’t much coherency in what’s going through my head, just show me anything you want.” Nate, 26.

2. Keep it personal (and posing is okay). “Anything is good except vaginas… I’ve never met a guy who likes getting full-frontal or whole-frame pictures of genitalia. But the best nudes I’ve ever gotten are specific to me, like, either wearing one of my shirts or jerseys if they stayed over, or they’re still in my bed. The best is getting them randomly. Like in middle of the day, or when you’re not even flirting at the time, or not planning on seeing them soon. And despite what we say, we do like girls who pose… Yes, even duck face. We don’t care.” Ben, 24.

3. Be creative. “There’s nothing better than getting a nude with nice lighting, a pretty backdrop or a creative pose. It’s easy to just snap a photo in 10 seconds and just leave it at that, but the best nudes are always the one with something a little extra, like candles burning in the background or her sheets just covering something naughty. It almost becomes like a piece of art.” Eva, 27.

4. Skip the puppy-dog ears. “Guys aren’t that picky, to be honest. Decent lighting. Leave out the Snapchat filters. Boobs are a plus.” Sam, 27.

5. Lingerie gets the boys (and girls). “I like something kind of personal and a bit cheeky and not too serious. Lingerie is always a winner, too.” James, 30.

6. Be you and be bold. “Naked pictures of women are freely available online, the difference in receiving a nude is that you know who this person is, they are not a ‘professional’ and they are specifically showing you. So what I like is an unfiltered shot, nothing too posed and they are confident in wanting me to see all of them. I’m definitely a boobs guy too.” Alexander, 28.

7. Keep it moving. “All I’m saying is, Boomerang is a wildly under utilised resource for nudes.” Alex, 33.

8. It’s not just about boobs and butts. “Women are gorgeous no matter what, but I feel like there’s something more exciting about getting a photo that isn’t of the ‘main events’ so to speak. A photo of her under-boob region, her hips or the crease of her thigh can be just as good because you know she’s naked, and she knows she’s naked, but you still leave a little to the imagination.” Melanie, 25.

9. Don’t overthink it. “I’m a simple man. I like lingerie, a good smile, a promiscuous position – just don’t stand in front of the mirror like you’re taking a before and after gym shot. You have to try really hard to send bad nudes and I don’t think any guy is going to be complaining regardless.” Miles, 32.

10. You don’t have to strip all the way down. “I think I prefer a half-nude. Something that alludes to nudity, sensuality and sexuality is so much better than actual nudity. That’s why we like nice lingerie and bikinis.” Michael, 27.

WATCH: Kylie Jenner reveals whether or not she sends nudes

The post “Something personal and a bit cheeky”: Ten women and men share their thoughts on how to take tasteful nude photos appeared first on Now To Love.

But sometimes our favourite Brits just can’t keep their hands to themselves, especially when it comes to their lovely husbands and wives.

We all let out a giggle when we saw Mike Tindall go in for a very cheeky bum grab, pinching his wife Zara Tindall’s derriere at an event a few years back.

The couple, who are proud parents to Mia, Lena and Lucas were spotted strolling around the fairgrounds at the Festival of British Eventing at Gatcombe Park.

But when it comes to being caught out with a cheeky intimate touch, Zara and Mike certainly aren’t alone among the members of the monarchy.

Even before their royal exit in 2020 let them break free from royal protocol, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were happy to show the world how smitten they were, smashing out the royal rule book along the way.

Though it’s been years since their royal honeymoon, the couple still seem to be in their loved-up honeymoon phase – we just see a little less of it now they’re living in the US with their two children.

Still, when this royal pair make appearances they can always be seen holding hands and standing close.

Meanwhile, Harry’s older brother Prince William showed off a similar level of affection shortly after he and wife Kate Middleton married.

There were tender looks, plenty of hand-holding and even a few stolen kisses here and there at royal outings.

Over time, the couple became more serious members of the royal family and scaled back the PDA a touch – but the love between them is still so clear.

Just look at how in love they look even after all these years…

These days, they avoid holding hands (unless we’re really lucky) and instead we get a glimpse of their chemistry through a look or a slight knee graze.

Since celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary in 2021, however, we have seen a touch more royal PDA from the pair… but only a touch!

And they’re not the only royal couple still prone to indulge in some PDA.

Sit back, and fall in love as we remind ourselves of all the times the royal protocol was thrown out the window!

Harry Meghan kiss Invictus Games 2022

After introducing her “incredible” husband at the 2022 Invictus Games Opening Ceremony, Meghan shared a quick smooch with Harry on stage for all to see.

Zara and Mike Tindall stole a sweet kiss at Cheltenham Festival in March 2022, a very rare PDA for the royals.

Harry and Meghan arrived hand-in-hand to the Intrepid, Sea Air & Space Museum’s inaugural Intrepid Valor Awards on November 10, 2021 in New York.

Harry and Meghan couldn’t keep their hands off each other at the Global Citizen Live on September 25, 2021 in New York City.

Harry and Meghan couldn’t wipe the smiles off their faces (or keep their hands to themselves!) during a visit to One World Observatory on September 23, 2021 in New York City.

Kate put a loving arm on William’s back backstage during the inaugural Earthshot Prize Awards 2021 on October 17, 2021 in London.

Harry Meghan and Archie

After their first photo call as a family of three in 2019, Meghan couldn’t help but put a loving arm around her husband.

Meghan and Harry holding hands

And Harry is always looking out for his wife.

Harry and Meghan Morocco

Could these two be any cuter?

Harry and Meghan Dubbo

The look of love!

Prince Harry kiss

Flirting on the field! Meghan and Prince Harry went in for a winning kiss at the polo…

During their tour of Dublin, they had us all grinning with their cute little affectionate moments.

In fact, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex cannot help but hold onto each other.

But it should be noted, the original PDA ambassadors were Prince William and Duchess Kate.

Kate and Wills holding hands

Spotted! The Cambridge couple were snapped holding hands at Princess Eugenie’s wedding to Jack Brooksbank.

Kate and Wills football

Just look at these two!

Some things never change.

A kiss as man and wife.

The entire Cambridge clan rally around young George when he had a moment at Harry’s wedding.

The world went into overdrive when Meghan and Harry went public back in 2016.

And the couple, to this day, can’t help but touch each other.

Whether they were being cheeky…

Or giving each other that look…

The couple are certainly smitten.

These interactions are one of the sweet moments in Kate and Wills story.

Our heart skips a beat when we see the parents show off their fun nature.

We will always treasure this.

We adore seeing William brush away his daughter’s hair.

We got to see Kate in full mum mode with her Charlotte…

Proud dad Wills gives his son a kiss.

And clearly time hasn’t changed a single thing.

A gentle thigh graze.

And one for Kate!

Prince Harry teasing his brother and Kate.

Back in 2012, we all let out a gasp when Kate gave her charming man a kiss.

The pair were all kinds of smitten after their wedding.

They do!

Iconic.

Zara and Mike Tindall

Zara Tindall and her husband Mike shared a smooch the ISPS Handa Mike Tindall Celebrity Golf Classic.

Mike Tindall swoons over his princess.

Zara and Mike were basking in that new parent glow, just weeks after welcoming their second child.

And Mia is just like her parents, running to Uncle William to give a smooch.

So precious!

Harry and Meghan kiss at the Sentebale Polo Cup

This rare snap of Princess Diana with Queen Elizabeth.

Charles with his second wife Camilla.

In fact, a kiss between loved ones is a language the royals love speaking.

Charles and Diana in happier times.

The polo seems to bring something out of the royal princes.

The post PDA alert! Every time the British Royal Family have broken protocol by showing public displays of affection appeared first on Now To Love.

When entering into a relationship with someone, it can end in one of three ways; marriage, staying together, or eventually splitting up. If it’s the latter, you’re bound to feel crushed and wonder if you’ll ever be happy again.

Thankfully, time heals nearly all wounds, and until then, we have expert advice on how to get through your darkest days following a break up.

Megan Luscombe, a relationship expert at dating site Hello Tiger says that old wives’ tale that it takes half the time you were dating someone to completely get over them, is quite simply a myth.

“There isn’t a magic number or timeline to move past a break up. It takes different amounts of time for everyone, especially if the person who is hurt isn’t doing any healing work to process this change, like working with a therapist or coach,” Megan tells Now To Love.

“Giving a timeframe for someone to heal is unrealistic and puts an enormous amount of pressure to be ‘over it’. Healing comes and goes in waves, it’s natural.”

What should people avoid doing when going through a breakup?

Ok, so you’ve just been broken up with, or you’ve been the one to pull the plug on your relationship; now what?

Unsurprisingly, time immediately following a break up can be difficult to navigate due to heightened emotions, lingering questions and the urge to instantly stalk your ex on social media.

“Keeping the feelings in and pretending that they’re okay when they aren’t. It’s okay to express your negative feelings after a breakup, regardless of how long/short the relationship was,” Megan says.

“Keeping things inside will only ensure they come out in other ways and those forms of release aren’t always positive. Avoid stalking them on social media or checking up on them/in with them, you need distance yourself immediately to start processing and healing.”

In order to move on, Megan reminds us that it’s not about simply “getting over” someone, “it’s about being able to move through the hurt stage of a breakup into more of a healing mindset.”

She suggests unfollowing or muting them on social media, removing their possessions from your house and rearranging your room into a new space “that is reflective of you only”.

How to get over someone you were never in a relationship with

We’ve all been there before. The grey area of “almost” officially dating someone but never quite getting to the point of putting labels on your romance.

When relationships like this come crashing down, it’s all the more hard trying to navigate your disappointment and lack of closure.

It’s easy to feel like your feelings aren’t justified given you were never technically in a relationship, however, Megan says no matter the connection, the same rules apply.

“Time is your friend, and make sure you are creating space between yourself and that person so you can commence the healing process. Unfollow on social media if necessary and don’t go out of your way to check up on what they’re doing,” she says.

Why getting over someone is so hard

If it feels like getting over your ex is taking an eternity, you aren’t alone.

“Because our brains create the fantasy of a future with this person and it does that based on the reality of the relationship and conversations we’ve had during the relationship,” Megan says.

“When that changes it hurts us and causes a lot of uncertainty, it can also bring up past insecurities which cause us to become extremely hard on ourselves.

“Humans want what they want and when we can’t have it, or it gets taken away from us via break up, it causes a lot of internal turmoil.”

When to cut ties with your ex and when to maintain a friendship

Following a break up, particularly when there’s unrequited feelings still lingering, it can be tempting to maintain a friendship with your ex as a way of keeping them in your life in some capacity.

But this can lead to further disappointment and false hope when boundaries aren’t outlined properly from the get-go.

Megan says that ultimately, it’s down to personal preference whether you remain in your ex’s life.

“However, I’d suggest a few months distance initially to allow both parties to start their own healing process and reconnect with who they are as individuals,” she says.

“If either partner is still harbouring feelings it’s best not to maintain a friendship, but if this isn’t the case a friendship can of course be salvaged. Ex partners that remain friends need to have boundaries though, so it’s important they are discussed prior to the friendship commencing.”

If there is zero “mutual effort” then there’s a high chance your relationship has run its course for good, Megan adds.

“In order for a couple who have broken up to patch things up it requires two people demonstrating the same level of effort,” she says.

“This means dedicated communication and radical transparency so they can heal the past to create a better relationship in the future.”

Is getting back together after several break ups ever worth it?

We all know someone who’s rekindled things with their ex more times than we can count on one hand. Or you’re probably guilty of the on-again, off-again dynamic yourself.

However, there is a glimmer of hope for couples who just can’t seem to stay away from each other, Megan says.

“It can work only if both individuals have emotionally developed and grown in the duration of the break ups,” she says.

“Couples that continuously get back together after break ups but haven’t changed are doomed, and find themselves trapped in an endless and unhealthy cycle of sometimes confusing love with lust, as both come and go.

How to get back onto the dating scene after heartbreak

Dating at the best of times can be daunting, but when you’re feeling vulnerable following a heartbreak, going on a date with a stranger is the last thing most of us want to do.

However, Megan says we can’t underestimate the power of a little distraction.

“Find what social interactions work for you, but if it’s dating apps you’re after, try jumping on Hello Tiger where your chances of meeting someone looking for a genuine connection is higher,” she says.

With embedded video call functions forcing you to step out of your comfort zone and put forward the real you, the app gives you the opportunity to find that instant spark and gauge immediate chemistry before you keep chatting.

“It’s a super fun way to eliminate those awkward first date introductions as well,” she says.

The post Going through a soul-crushing break up? A relationship expert busts heartbreak myths and reveals how to get back into dating appeared first on Now To Love.

While the taboo topic of behind-closed-doors affairs isn’t often discussed over the dinner table, recent Married At First Sight cheating scandals have thrown the matter back into our consciousness.

Alarming data collected by leading dating site Ashley Madison shows that 53 per cent of cheaters admitted they strayed from their relationship due to lack of intimacy with their partner, while 33 per cent said they were seeking “more fun” in their lives.

But do people in “happy” marriages ever cheat? And can a relationship plagued by deceit ever overcome infidelity?

These are the questions we put to sex and relationship expert Dr Tammy Nelson, who helped us break down age-old cheating myths and shared sage advice for anyone whose partner has been unfaithful.

Tammy, who quite literally wrote the book on cheating; Open Monogamy; Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement, says that people don’t necessarily have to be “unhappy” in their marriages to look elsewhere for a romantic connection.

“If [a person feels] like they’re not heard or if they can’t find a way to be who they want to be in their current relationship, they will look outside their marriage – not necessarily to be with another person but to become another person,” she tells Now To Love.

“In fact, studies show that up to 56 per cent of men and 34 per cent of women who have affairs described themselves at the time as being in happy marriages. They also said that they loved their primary partners and were having good sex.”

However, if cheating has been discovered, it doesn’t always have to spell the end of a relationship or marriage.

“The discovery of an affair can be a wake-up call; an opportunity to create a stronger, more vibrant relationship with a current partner, if both are committed to working through issues and creating a new monogamy agreement,” Tammy says.

“It can feel like a scandal when one of you cheats, it betrays the personal boundaries you have for yourself and blows apart the vision you may have had for your future.

“Despite the incredible pain of the infidelity it is possible to create a new monogamy: a new relationship in which the needs and desires of both of you are explicitly stated and this can be a reboot for both of you.”

Tammy says that for anyone toying with the idea of cheating on their partner, they should ask themselves the following questions before taking any action to do so:

“Can you live with yourself? How does integrity play a part in your relationship? How will your partner feel if they find out? Would it be easier to talk with your partner first, asking for your needs to be met or negotiating an open monogamy agreement?”

Tammy also says there’s a grey area when it comes to “emotional cheating,” which, by definition is the bond between two people that mimics the closeness and emotional intimacy of a romantic relationship, while not being physically consummated.

“Whether its emotional, romantic or sexual cheating, you know if it’s cheating if it’s violating your commitment,” she says.

“If you don’t want your partner to know about it, and if you feel you need to hide it from them.”

But once someone gets trapped in a cycle of cheating on their partner, they often struggle to find a way out of their web of deceit.

“If you find that you are chronically cheating on your partner, it may be a sign that you aren’t suited for marriage, or that you want out. Be brave and confront the problem. Get professional help,” Tammy says.

“Counselling can help you define what you are looking for and give you the skills you need to communicate with your partner and either let them out of a bad marriage or give you the tools you need to stay in a potentially good one.”

We’ve all heard the age-old saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”, but is this true or simply a myth created to lump unfaithful people into a title they’ll never escape from?

“Many people assume that infidelity is a symptom of a fundamental problem in a marriage or committed relationship, ignoring the important questions of whether monogamy is even possible for the average person who lives to be almost 90,” Tammy says.

“Perhaps affairs are a natural result of long-term relationships, maybe they are a way to stay married when we are expected to live with one partner for more than half a century.

Tammy says that this doesn’t necessarily mean that we, as humans, are not committed to monogamy, but that sexual fidelity is not synonymous with romantic monogamy.

“Companionship and our ideas of monogamy might be more fluid than they have in the past when we lived to be an average age of 38,” she explains.

Incredibly, Ashley Madison’s survey found that 70 per cent of cheaters say they do not feel guilty for doing so.

“Our members have told us that they have experienced many benefits from their decision to stray including regaining their confidence, feeling empowered, and feeling desired again,” says Isabella Mise, director of communications for Ashley Madison.

“Infidelity isn’t something that people fall into, there is often times a shift in their relationship, whether their spouse feels it or not, that leads them to choose happiness. Our members are taking control of their lives by adding what’s missing.

The post Why do people cheat? A relationship expert busts common affair myths and how you can overcome infidelity appeared first on Now To Love.

It seemed odd, yet Cheryl had no idea her marriage was about to implode. “What did you mean,” she asked her husband when they got home that night. His answer was to shatter Cheryl’s life – yet ultimately lead her to a new career helping other people survive the trauma of separation and divorce.

“He said when our daughter finished her Year 10 exams, he was leaving,” the 56-year-old bleakly recalls of that moment 14 years ago. “They were due in November, this was June, so for all that time I had to make out nothing was happening, there was nothing wrong. Nobody knew the truth except my mother. Otherwise, I had to put on a facade.”

After 19 years and two children together, Cheryl was utterly blindsided, the first in her social circle to face divorce. By turns broken-hearted, furious, disbelieving and terrified of a lonely future, she wondered where her “happily ever after” had gone.

“I’m very sentimental. I’d kept all the old Valentine and birthday cards from my husband, and I would get them out so often,” says the author of The Divorce Tango. “I just couldn’t comprehend how he felt that way once, and now he didn’t. Was he lying about it all that time?”

Unable to move on, Cheryl ate chocolate and chips for comfort, inexorably gaining 16kg. Her self-esteem, already shattered, plummeted to new depths as her dress size increased. She was physically sick every time she handed over the children, then aged 12 and 15, for custody visits with their father. Finally, there was a lightbulb moment when daughter Jessica told her, “Mum, I just don’t know what to do to make you happy.” Realising life must go on, Cheryl booked to see a psychologist, shed 21kg over two years, started dating again, trained to become a certified divorce coach and launched Australia’s first one-stop divorce centre.

Post-pandemic she is already seeing a record number of inquiries, with relationships falling victim to lockdowns, job losses, financial worries and the stress of home schooling. Christmas holidays can also strain togetherness to breaking point. “January is global divorce month,” explains Cheryl, who happily found new love three years ago. “People seem to decide things just can’t go on the same old way, so they make that New Year’s resolution to change their lives.”

Latest figures from the Australian Bureau of Statistics reveal that the divorce rate remained stable in 2020 at 1.9 divorces per 1000 individuals, with a total of 49,510 people officially ending their marriages. For women, the divorce rate was highest in the 40-44 age bracket; for men, it peaked at 44-49. Midlife crisis, anyone?

The numbers give a snapshot of society yet fail to paint the full picture. Divorce can never be painless, especially when children are involved. It’s a form of bereavement, a loss of identity. Yet it doesn’t have to become an ugly feud like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s ongoing legal battle, which has already dragged on for five years and so far cost them each an estimated $1 million and counting.

Back in 2014, many of us laughed when Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay frontman Chris Martin announced their “conscious uncoupling” from 10 years of marriage. It sounded pretentious, as the Oscar-winner herself admitted, but she was intrigued by the sentiment.

“Was there a world where we could break up and not lose everything,” the wellness entrepreneur reflected in an article for British Vogue last year. “Could we be a family, even though we were not a couple? We decided to try.”

Today there’s widespread recognition that the costly adversarial court system – immortalised in the Oscar-winning movie Kramer v Kramer – is seldom beneficial, except for lawyers. When a case embroils children in spiteful custody disputes, it becomes increasingly fraught.

“The legal process complicates things and can lead to combative situations developing,” says Carolyn Madden, of Divorce Coaching Australia. “People want to do divorce differently, so they are looking for support and ways to achieve this. Every divorce is unique.”

Nowadays, therapies on offer include everything from primal screaming to meditation, art, dance, yoga and music. Counselling is available for individuals, couples and families. Financial planners and divorce coaches – overseas they’re often known as “divorce doulas” – help you to chart a way forward. There are even apps to organise access visits, and an all-Australian guidance bot called Lumi can prepare personalised step-by-step separation plans!

Divorce retreats are a recent trend in this holistic approach to healing after marriage breakdown. Some, like Detox Your Divorce – an Australian first – offer a group approach online or in person, with the support of women who have been there, done that, or are currently suffering the same upheaval.

“I’d never been on any sort of retreat before,” smiles Shanneen Bagala, 41, from Parramatta in Sydney’s west. “I’m not one of those people who jump on bandwagons very readily, but I was sort of desperate. I really needed to work out what I was going to do, I had no way forward.

“I thought divorce was failure and pain and suffering and loss and arguing about money – all the awful, heartbreaking things that affect you for years and years afterwards and make you bitter. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have to hire lawyers who are sharks and aren’t really going to care about your relationships. What I found out, through Detox Your Divorce, is that splitting up can be an evolution, learning about what you need in life.

“The retreat wasn’t just about the legalities. It also talked about taking care of yourself, how to eat well, yoga, meditation, counselling, the stages of grief. It was kind of like having a mum around who’d been through all this process and was giving you the best advice, in a loving way.”

WATCH: Inside Adele’s $180 million divorce. Story continues after video.

Shanneen, who wed on Valentine’s Day in 2010, has now moved out of the marital home following a slow, carefully considered separation, which at one stage involved an upstairs/downstairs living arrangement with her ex and their two beloved “fur babies”.

“I still think of my husband as a really wonderful man,” she explains. “The things I fell in love with, the fact that he was gentlemanly and kind, those things are still there. I have deep respect for him and I certainly didn’t want to disrespect our marriage, which we had created together, or his family.

“Relationships are so important to me. That’s my idea of success in life – how well your relationships with others are going. So the idea of harming or breaking those relationships was devastating. I think a lot of women feel that way… It’s a hard thing when you realise something is not working for you and you have to choose yourself first. It was so contrary to my upbringing, which was all about making sure other people are okay. But sometimes in that you do get lost, and that’s what happened to me.”

Walking into the retreat, at a five-star hotel on the NSW Central Coast, Shanneen admits she was petrified. Instead, she found “a bit of a sisterhood, a bit of a community” that has subsequently stuck together, sharing progress and adventures through Facebook.

Six months down the track, she reflects, “The retreat was really amazing, you know. Something like that can change the way you feel about yourself and your whole outlook on life. It made me realise you can end a marriage with love and kindness towards yourself, and everybody else.”

Group therapy worked for Shanneen, but if a room full of grieving women is your worst nightmare, you can travel solo instead. Global brand Naked Divorce specialises in one-on-one retreats at relaxing, de luxe locations from Chiang Mai to Cape Town, the Yarra Valley to Costa Rica. The British-based company’s website, which boasts a 92 per cent success rate, promises “transformative recovery” within 10 to 45 days, according to the program, or your money back.

It won’t be easy but it will be effective, pledges founder Adele Theron, a high-flying former management consultant who was “blindsided” by her own divorce 12 years ago. “I went to therapy but it didn’t suit me at all,” confesses the dynamic 44-year-old, who has since found new love with a New Zealand farmer. “I was told recovery would take time, but I’m very goal oriented and I thought being stuck in some aimless departure lounge for 18 months was really not my bag.

“So I did a lot of research – I’m a real nerd – and built a program for myself, focused on achieving results in a very, very short amount of time. I think it took me about 20 days to get over everything that had happened, but 20 days isn’t very catchy so we made it a 21-day program!”

She laughs, with a word of warning. “We tell you exactly what to do, but I must say our journey is not for the faint-hearted. It’s a very forensic approach. We are trauma therapists and believe me, it’s not time that heals wounds. You have to process them and then act.

“It’s hard core and it’s forward facing. We help you deal with this fire in your house right now – we don’t go delving into past history. Our aim is to make the whole process more harmonious. If divorce can’t be prevented, let’s at least make it less unpleasant and not harm the children, because that’s horrendous.”

Anne Corbett knows all too well the acrimony, anguish, grief and hurt that can flow from divorce, having ended her “psychologically abusive” 38-year marriage in January 2021. At the age of 67, she now finds herself without a job – she was made redundant when the pandemic took off – and with no home of her own.

In desperation the intelligent, highly qualified mother-of-four has been forced to move back in with her ex-husband to keep a roof over her head. “It’s not ideal,” she says grimly, of her life in a NSW country town. “But where the hell do you go? The housing crisis is real and it’s getting worse.”

That dilemma is increasingly common. Today, many older women are choosing to walk away from unhappy marriages, rather than lingering out of misplaced guilt or duty. But that freedom comes with a huge emotional toll as Anne (whose name has been changed to protect her identity in a small community) can testify.

Overwhelmed by grief, anger and resentment, knowing she couldn’t navigate them alone, Anne went online, found certified divorce coach Carolyn Madden and asked for help. She and her husband had attended counselling in the past, but this was different.

“The trouble with counselling is that it can keep you swimming in the same stagnant pond, going over the same old stuff,” Anne explains. “Yes, you can dredge up the past and how it’s contributed to the current situation, but that’s not helping you to move on, is it? That’s why divorce coaching is so important. It challenges you to focus on the next step and that’s difficult.

“I would say Carolyn saved my life and my sanity and I want to thank her from the bottom of my heart. I could never have got through the last three years without her coaching and support. She has helped me immeasurably in the journey of accepting that my marriage was over and facing the new direction of my

life as a single woman, whatever uncertainty and fear that might bring.”

The demand looks unlikely to decrease. As Carolyn says, “With Covid and the stress of lockdown on fragile relationships, the need for couples to separate as peacefully as possible is just as great – if not greater – now than ever before.

“The better they can do this and agree on asset division and children’s issues, the more money they are able to save on legal bills. Family Law rates for partners can range from $400 to $900 per hour charged out in six-minute intervals, so costs can add up quickly!

“Every situation is different but generally speaking, the real victims of divorce are the children. Through no fault of their own, they lose a parent from their everyday life. My motivation is to help them by helping the parents do separation and divorce differently and as well as they can.”

WATCH: Dr. Dehra Haris’ tips on divorce with kids. Story continues after video.

Sometimes it’s as simple as thinking outside the square, like violinist Helen Lutz and her de facto John Hughes, who split up in 1997 when their child – whom she would prefer not to name or identify by gender – was still a toddler. Their novel solution to custody issues was to sell their former home, buy a big, shabby old inner-Sydney terrace and divide it in two – one half for each of them, with a bedroom for their little one in both.

“At that point, my side had no bathroom but did have a kitchen. His had no kitchen but had two bathrooms,” laughs Helen, 57, now happily married and living in Kangaroo Valley, NSW. “There was a huge staircase which happened to be on the boundary line. We actually had to saw it in half, which was like a physical embodiment of our relationship. That was where the dividing wall went, so there was a huge pile of bricks in my living room and every day when I came home my ex would be bricked away from me a little further. It was a wonderful thing, ‘Bye bye, darling.’

“To be honest, I don’t think [our child] slept at their father’s place very often, but loved having that option. It all worked really well until [our child finished] high school, when John decided to move away. But he bought a new house within walking distance and made sure he sold to someone he thought would be a good neighbour for us.”

WATCH: MAFS’ Kerry speaks about her amicable divorce. Story continues after video.

It was an unusually civilised solution in the take-no-prisoners combat zone of separation and divorce. But as Helen’s story proves, divorce done differently can work.

“It wasn’t that we were particularly magnanimous, good people necessarily,” she reflects. “Neither of us wanted to pay lawyers $20,000 or create animosity. You have to be in contact with this person more or less for the rest of your life if you have children together. So what’s the point of making things more difficult?

“People told me at the time that I could have got more out of our separation – but how would I have benefited from an extra zero in the bank account? There are far more benefits to keeping the situation as friendly as possible.”

Shanneen sums it up like this: “100 per cent get help if you’re considering divorce. And try not to be adversarial. We don’t have to shout in order for people to hear us. We have to be able to speak our truths to each other respectfully.”

5 steps to a drama free divorce

Diane Young, Addiction and Trauma Specialist at South Pacific Private, reveals her top tips.

1. Set up support: Ask for help from friends and family, specifically to get you through this difficult time.

2. Be realistic: Do what you can do, with what you have, from where you are. Always have a Plan B and cut yourself some slack if you don’t handle things perfectly.

3. Get expert help: Professional advice not only gives you support, you get all the facts on your rights and a clear picture of your next steps.

4. Beware the emotional rollercoaster: This will come even if you want to divorce. This is where support is vital.

5. Embrace your new life: Transitioning to single life can be liberating and terrifying at the same time. Have a vision about who you’d like to be and what you’d like to attract into your life.

You can read this story and many more in the March issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly – on sale now.

The post Divorce done differently: Why we need to reconsider the ‘take-no-prisoners’ attitude to separation appeared first on Now To Love.

But despite these advancements, there are many misconceptions that could hinder that incredible feat.

The Australian Centre for the Prevention of Cervical Cancer reported in 2020 that screening rates dropped around the country due to the pandemic.

Even though there was a brief recovery to “60 per cent” volume after the first lockdown, it continued to decline during the second lockdown in Victoria.

What’s more in rural areas, with travel being harder than ever during this period, there was a further drop in numbers.

As we learn to live with the pandemic, it’s important to bring cervical screenings back to the forefront of our minds and that’s something advocate Katie Norbury, who started the Instagram Get Papped to spread awareness, has been working tirelessly to achieve.

Katie began her advocacy journey after she experienced an abnormal cervical screening, which she tells Now To Love made her feel “pretty isolated” and “very scared.”

As many of us do, she quickly googled what it meant, and when the word cancer came up, it caused more confusion.

“Some people acted as if it was something that I shouldn’t tell anyone,” Katie shares. “Some friends were kind of embarrassed to even talk about it with me. So, I kind of realised that it was this really shameful thing. I couldn’t really comprehend why everyone was so embarrassed by it.”

The experience prompted Katie to promote screenings on her personal Instagram.

Even though it was a “daunting” decision at the time, she has now amassed over 3,000 followers and created a community filled with people opening up and learning about the test and their bodies.

She has also created 25th birthday cards for people to send their friends, family, and partners to encourage them to book a screening.

Following the current recommendation, women need to start their screening journey at 25 and return every five years.

However, the National Association of Specialist Obstetricians and Gynaecologists’ President Professor Gino Pecoraro tells Now To Love that if you experience any irregular bleeding between periods of intercourse, you should see a gynaecologist even if you’re between screenings or under 25.

“Even if you’ve had your pap smears and you’re getting irregular bleeding or bleeding after intercourse, that’s still a sign that you should be seen because that may be the first time that there is something abnormal,” he shares.

Katie noticed that many women have a fear of screenings when she found out recipients of her birthday cards felt uncomfortable receiving the gift.

“I definitely see the shame continuing. Sometimes people have told me they bought a card for someone, and they were like a little bit embarrassed,” she says.

“I think the shame runs deeper than HPV. Like there’s shame around women’s sexuality, and women’s body parts like women aren’t comfortable talking about their vagina to somebody. So, they’re certainly not gonna be comfortable talking about HPV with anyone as well.”

Katie has also researched doctors around Australia who can perform competent cervical screenings because the process shouldn’t hurt under the correct guidance.

Dr Jill Forer confirms that with the correct preparation and techniques, any pain should be “fleeting” and that the relationship you have with your doctor is make or break – communicating your needs is imperative for a good experience, as is lube!

“I always put lubrication on my speculum, and I do it in a very careful way so that the lubrication doesn’t get into the screen to the skin. If you put a blob of lubrication on the tip of the speculum, it might interfere,” she explains.

“But if you put a tiny smear on the speculum and it goes in the opposite direction, it makes it so much more comfortable. But I know for a fact that a lot of doctors don’t use lubrication, and that bloody hurts.”

Another technique Dr Jill utilises is asking her patients to cross their wrists under their behind, with their thumb pointing up the angle of the bed.

“That changes the angle of the vagina, so when you put the speculum in, it goes in really easily, and you don’t have to manoeuvre around as much, and it is so much more comfortable for them,” she says.

Since cervixes aren’t anatomically in the same place for everyone, it’s important to chat with your doctor so you can avoid any pain or discomfort.

Dr Jill explains that the uterus can “spasm” because the cervix is “dilated slightly,” so the mascara-like brush can rotate at its opening, though that feeling should be brief.

Fear and pain aren’t the only elements dissuading women from getting their screening done.

The HPV virus can be passed onto anyone who has engaged in sexual activities, including people who have never experienced heteronormative penetrative penis in vagina sex.

Katie, who is in a same-sex relationship, also discusses the importance of cervical screenings in the LGBTGIA+ community.

“With women in the community, it’s very common for them to decide themselves that they do not require a cervical screening because they’ve only had sex with women, which is absolutely not the case, but a very solid misconception. That is common, and that’s all rooted in fear of getting the screening,” she says.

Dr Jill explains that the virus can spread using sex instruments, oral sex, and even a wart on a finger (but that’s very rare).

Ultimately her message is clear, non-gendered, and simple: “Anybody that has ever had sex with anybody needs to have a cervical screening.”

The post Worried that cervical screenings are painful and embarrassing? This doctor is here to bust all those myths appeared first on Now To Love.

Our capacity for making small talk with someone we haven’t met before has lessened, as we’ve spent more time at home and less time socialising and putting ourselves out there.

In many ways, the stakes also feel higher when we’re older – when we’re looking for a second chance at love.

But the good news is that meeting new people is like a muscle, and by that I mean the more you do it, the easier and more natural and enjoyable it becomes.

Here’s how to prepare mentally ahead of jumping back into the dating pool …

Sort your mindset

One of the biggest mistakes I see with women in the dating world is having unrealistic expectations and not being prepared to flex.

I like to talk about a thing called realistic optimism, which is having all the dreams and hopes and wonder about the future while also keeping your feet on the ground.

Yes, you have every right to talk about what you deserve and think about that positive, nurturing relationship that will bring out the best in you; but you also need to make sure that you’re being realistic and not looking for a partner who is superhuman.

Know your deal-breakers

A genuine deal-breaker is something that is connected to the core of who you are.

It is a value that is so critical to your wellbeing and happiness in life that if someone turned up to a date showing signs of not sharing this value, you could quite comfortably walk away and never look back.

Most people, if they are honest with themselves, have between one and three.

Here’s an example: If your highest value is honesty and you get a sense on the first date that a person is contradicting themselves, not seeing them again is an easy decision.

By committing to those things that determine long-term happiness in a relationship for you, it’s easier to spot a good match.

WATCH: Mel Schilling’s expert advice on MAFS UK. Story continues after video.

Learn to flex

Where it gets tricky is that there is a difference between genuine deal- breakers and relationship preferences.

The latter are those things you might want, but if the deep stuff is there then you will compromise on them.

There are usually eight to 10, and it might be something like “I’d like someone who lives within 10km of me.” And that sounds reasonable.

But I have to admit that when I met my partner on eharmony, I actually muddled up the online dating criteria, and somehow told the system I was interested in meeting someone in another state.

And we didn’t realise until we were a couple of weeks into chatting online and really connecting – so in the end, this was a preference I decided to let go of.

We had a long-distance relationship before eventually moving interstate to be together.

Find your flow

This may sound like a cliché, but it is true: The first step in returning to the dating world is dating yourself.

It is all about going within and getting in touch with your passions and those things that bring you joy.

And that’s because one of the things we know is that when people are genuinely engaged in a flow-state, which is all about playing to your strengths and living your best life, they become magnetic and most attractive to other people.

To find your own fairytale love story, sign up for eHarmony today!

Look back to move forward

One activity I like to do with my clients in terms of emotional readiness is a dating timeline, which is when you map out your life from when you started dating up until today.

On a graph, consider the age you were when each of these relationships happened, and the personal growth you achieved in them.

Ask yourself: What are the lessons I can take from the relationships I’ve been in? How did I contribute to their breakdown? What can I take responsibility for?

Put “He was such a bastard” to one side and use that helicopter view to look down on those relationships and be objective.

Putting your big-girl pants on and considering those lessons in a mature way can allow you to spot any patterns you want to change for your next relationship.

Understand your worth

A great way to enter the dating world again is knowing what you bring to the table. And by that I mean what are your greatest strengths?

As women, we can talk about why someone wouldn’t want to date us all day long. We know our weaknesses so well, but can rarely list our strengths as easily.

A good place to start is authentichappiness.com (run by the University of Pennsylvania), doing the free character strengths questionnaire.

Once you have your top three, try to recall a story from your life where you demonstrated each of these strengths.

And this is the important part, because what you want to share on a date is an authentic picture of who you are, and these stories allow you to highlight positive things about yourself without saying “I’m so great”.

Plus you’re telling stories, which is incredibly engaging.

WATCH: Dating tips from expert Ané Auret. Story continues after the video.

Embrace technology

Technology doesn’t have to play a role in meeting someone – it really depends on your time frame.

You have every right to choose the retro style of dating and essentially wait for a date to fall out of the sky and land in your lap.

But what I say to women is: Would you do that with your career? Would you be so reactive and passive? No way!

Online dating sites and apps are really just tools to help you speed up the process.

What a site like eharmony does is use questionnaires to tap into your values and beliefs about relationships – the stuff their research has found actually predicts compatibility – so you wipe out a lot of the first stages of dating.

You’re not going to have people land in your inbox who are wildly inappropriate at that all-important values level.

Bounce back

Rejection always hurts because our self-esteem suffers and it’s very easy to spiral into “What’s wrong with me?”

So when it happens, debrief with your girlfriends and loved ones. Don’t let yourself stew on it alone.

Instead, have a laugh and talk it through with someone who knows you. And when you’re at a point where you feel more comfortable, ask “What can I take from that experience?”

Be clear about what you want

One of the biggest changes in the dating landscape, if you haven’t been out there for a while, is that you can be quite up front about what you want these days.

And by that I mean, if you are a woman who is clear on what you want from a relationship, then you know that you’re going to take one of two paths; you’re heading towards casual hook-ups or a relationship.

For people who say to me they are ready for the latter, I tell them to take those hook-up apps off their phone.

You don’t need the noise – it’s just a distraction that will lead you away from what you really want. The last thing you need is some toy boy coming into the mix and trying to bat his lashes at you!

And just remember that having the courage to take some social risks and put yourself out there is usually all that stands between any woman, of any age, and finding the love she wants and deserves.

Married at First Sight season nine premieres on Monday January 31 at 7:30pm on Nine.

You can read this story and many others in the February issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly – on sale now.

The post EXCLUSIVE: Married at First Sight’s dating expert Mel Schilling reveals how to start dating again after heartbreak appeared first on Now To Love.

These are the wise words of Michelle Obama, who also happens to have been happily married to her husband, former-President of the United States Barack Obama, for around 29 years.

They’ve been together for over a quarter of a century and raised two daughters, Malia, 23, and Sasha, 20, and their love continues to grow.

Scroll through Michelle and Barack’s love story in pictures and we DARE you to find a celebrity union that competes with theirs.

Barack and Michelle Obama

Barack and Michelle, both Harvard graduates, met back in 1989 when Michelle, then Michelle Robinson, was assigned as Barack’s mentor at law firm Sidely Austin LLP.

Barack and Michelle Obama

They went on their first date a month later, and it was then that Michelle began to learn, and love, everything about her now-husband. “He showed all the sides – he was hip, cutting edge, cultural, sensitive. The fountain – nice touch. The walk – patient,” she says.

Barack and Michelle Obama

The pair married on October 3, 1992, and Barack couldn’t be happier with his bride of almost 30 years. “The quality I love most about her is, she’s honest and genuine,” he says.

Barack and Michelle Obama

In 1998, Barack and Michelle’s eldest daughter, Malia, was born – fittingly on July 4, 1998 – Independence Day in the United States. Sasha (full name Natasha) was born on June 10, 2001.

Barack and Michelle Obama

Three years later, their familial political journey began, with Barack being elected into the US Senate. Then in 2008, Barack was elected the 44th President of the United States, with Michelle becoming the country’s First Lady.

Barack and Michelle Obama

But just because they live their lives in the public eye doesn’t mean that they shy away from showing their love for each other.

Barack and Michelle Obama

Let’s take a moment to appreciate this candid, intimate moment between Barack and Michelle…

Barack and Michelle Obama

“Roses are red, violets are blue. You are the president and I am your boo,” Michelle lovingly joked of her husband during his Presidency.

Barack and Michelle Obama

“If you were going to list the 100 most popular things that I have done as president, being married to Michelle Obama is number one,” Barack says.

Barack and Michelle Obama

The two are clearly inseparable…

Barack and Michelle Obama

And Barack even doubles as a personal photographer/Instagram boyfriend for Michelle!

Barack and Michelle Obama

We don’t know a love quite as strong as theirs.

Barack Obama thanks wife Michelle in moving speech

Barack and Michelle Obama

In a birthday post dedicated to his wife, Barack write, “You’re not only my wife and the mother of my children, you’re my best friend. I love your strength, your grace, and your determination. And I love you more each day.”

Barack and Michelle Obama

Michelle lovingly responded, “You’re my best friend, biggest fan, and getting notes and flowers from you will never get old.”

Barack and Michelle Obama

“You make every day and every place better,” the former president shared on Valentine’s Day 2018.

27th wedding anniversary

For their 27th wedding anniversary, Barck penned: “Like the Beatles said: It’s getting better all the time. Thanks, babe, for 27 amazing years!”

27th wedding anniversary

Michelle’s heartfelt post read: “27 years ago, this guy promised me a life full of adventure. I’d say he’s delivered. Here’s to our next chapter of becoming empty nesters and discovering what’s next—while still feeling the magic that brought us together all those years ago. Happy anniversary, Barack. ”

Barack and Michelle Obama

To ring in their 28th wedding anniversary, Michelle captioned this loved-up picture: “28 years with this one. I love @BarackObama for his smile, his character, and his compassion. So grateful to have him as a partner through everything life throws at us. And this year, we have a request for you — pick one person in your life who might not vote and make sure they do. Tell us about it in the comments! That’s an anniversary message of the best kind. Love you, Barack. .”

Barack and Michelle Obama

They supported each other during the 59th Presidential Inauguration for President Joe Biden, who served as Barack’s VP.

Barack and Michelle Obama

Barack kissed his wife hello during the ceremonial groundbreaking at the Obama Presidential Center in Jackson Park in September 2021.

Barack and Michelle Obama

The Obamas rang in 2022 with their signature suave.

To celebrate Michelle’s 58th birthday, the former president shared this sweet picture of him planting a kiss on her cheek with the sunset behind them.

He sweetly wrote, “Happy birthday, Michelle. My love, my partner, my best friend…”

A besotted Michelle commented, “,” on her husband’s post.

Barack and Michelle Obama

Here’s to many more years.

The post Forever his First Lady: Barack Obama and Michelle Obama’s love story in pictures appeared first on Now To Love.

According to historians people have been locking lips at New Year’s Eve bashes since the 8th Century BC.

The tongue-y tradition can be traced back to the Ancient Roman festival of Saturnalia which was generally celebrated at the end of December to honour the deity of Saturn and induced a carnival-style atmosphere.

It was here that those saucy Italians would hook up and generally corrupt one another in any way possible. Latin poet Catullus called the festivities “the best of days”.

Nowadays New Year’s Eve is still an event that encourages some kisses and plenty of debauchery, but for single people the night can be a source of both great excitement and angst.

Exciting because singles can dress up in their Sunday best, dance and mingle with new people at killer (albeit COVID-safe) parties. Terrifying because those without a significant other know that apart from Valentine’s Day (which is not even a real thing!), nothing will make you feel more alone than finding yourself unaccompanied on the dance floor at a second to midnight without someone to smooch.

So if you’re hanging out for a 2021 NYE kiss, here are some tried and tested techniques guaranteed to help up your odds of pinning down a party pash.

1. Pick your party carefully

This will basically be the most important tip on the list. Think about it; if you opt to spend the night with your married mates at a close and intimate get together and try to go on the prowl there, well, it’s going to end awkwardly. Equally so, if you’re midnight kiss-crazy and choose to countdown with your family – well, nothing’s going to happen.

If you want a proper kiss, your best bet is to go to a party and probably the bigger, the better. Bigger bashes mean more people to mingle with and if you take some great wingmen/wingwomen then this will likely up your chances exorbitantly.

2. Talk to everyone

C’mon, don’t be that girl. Y’know, the one that comes to the party and only talks to potential pash partners but blatantly ignores everyone else.

Chat with every friendly face you see and if the person you are keen on is in a group conversation, don’t just zero in on them. Because no matter how subtle you think you’re being, everyone will notice and that will make things awkward. And in case you didn’t know, awkward isn’t romantic and will, at best, only lead to a pity pash… and no one wants a pity pash.

WATCH: Dating tips from expert Ané Auret…

3. Don’t get too drunk

This is an important one because while NYE calls for a few dranks, you need to remind yourself not to overdo it. There is possibly no bigger turn-off than seeing someone walk into a room all respectable-like only to turn around an hour later to see that same person doubled over a pot plant getting reacquainted with the tasty hors d’oeuvres they ate on the way in. Moderation is everyone’s mate and the faint smell of vomit is no one’s.

Not to mention that drinking responsibly is kind of cool these days (who would’ve thought!) and keeping a mostly-level head will help you keep your flirting skills sharp through the night.

4. Don’t get desperate

There is nothing more off-putting to a potential smooch than someone who reeks of desperation – no matter how lovely you look. If you’re having a chat with someone you’re keen on make sure the first three questions have nothing to do with their relationship status. Calmly drop in queries about who they came to the party with after you know a few other unrelated facts first.

But if you are starting to get a little desperate, prepare to drop your standards sweetheart because all of the classy singles will smell it like bad perfume. Pretty soon you will start to wonder if that sweaty fella in the brown corduroy suit and purple loafers is kind of attractive, especially when you tilt your head this way and only look out of your left eye… right?

5. Remember – someone would be lucky to kiss you!

If you followed step number one correctly, then you are likely NOT to be the only single person in the room. There is probably a quiet collection of solo party people with the exact same midnight mission as you, so don’t sell yourself short.

As much as you want to be kissed, there are undoubtedly a few people in the room who are also super keen to kiss you – it’s just about finding your match.

6. And if you don’t get a kiss…

If you find yourself at five minutes to midnight with no potential kisses then quietly slip off to the toilet, find a vacant cubical, go in, lock the door and wait there until the festivities are over… KIDDING!

If you find yourself at five minutes to midnight with no potential kisses then raise your glass and scream, “Happy New Year!” along with everyone else when the clock strikes 12! Have fun and revel in the fact that you get to greet the New Year without some stranger’s tongue halfway down your throat.

Whether or not you end up getting a New Year’s Eve kiss is not the end of the world and it’s certainly not a barometer for how your love life with be in the year to come. A New Year’s Eve party is just a party so do what you do at every other one and ENJOY IT! After all, a good celebration goes well into the next morning, so you might have some time yet…

Want to find your own fairytale romance? Sign up to eharmony today!

The post Six ways to get a kiss on New Year’s Eve: From choosing the right party, to keeping a level head and avoiding desperation appeared first on Now To Love.

The lack of intimacy was killing me and I feared that I would seek it elsewhere, but that wasn’t the kind of person I was. Until one day, it was.

After a booze-fuelled lunch with a friend discussing how lonely and sad my marriage was making me, I walked into a bar and saw a man across the room.

Our eyes locked, and I was just drawn to him.

Within moments Christopher* and I were chatting.

He was interesting and funny, and he made me feel like I was too. Something I had been lacking for years.

When he kissed me it is like I fell into him.

We pulled apart, stared at each other and we both just said “oh no.”

He knew I was married, we knew this was trouble.

Christopher took me home that night and it was incredible. Everything I had been lacking was right there. I felt like a woman again.

He drove me home afterwards and he held my hand the whole way in the car while I just cried. I felt terrible.

We pulled up to my apartment and there was a ‘For Rent’ sign in the yard with a smiling agent’s face plastered on it.

My lover pointed to it and said “That guy is my flatmate,” and we both silently knew that if I wanted to reach him again the phone number was in my front garden.

I had never been someone who had lots of relationships. In fact, in my 20s I barely had a second date.

When I met the man I first married, Jason*, in London I just thought this time it would be different. We dated and sex was fun, it was fairly casual but I wanted more.

One day I told him that I loved him.

“You’re a really great girl, and you really make me laugh but I just don’t really fancy you,” he replied.

I should have had an inkling then that things wouldn’t work out, but I really wanted it to.

We stayed together but it was always an effort.

He didn’t seem interested in me sexually.

I would ask him why he never touched me, and told him I really missed intimacy, but I honestly thought that he was the best I would ever get and that this was just how things would be.

After three years together, I wanted to come back home to Australia, but he would not have gotten a visa so we married.

At that point I thought we would marry anyway so it was fast tracking the inevitable but when we came home our issues became more apparent.

He was always broke so I had been paying for everything for the entire relationship and I started to resent him.

We weren’t really husband and wife, we were barely more than friends, and being home made it more apparent. He was weighing me down.

WATCH: 5 signs you’re likely to cheat on your partner. Post continues after video…

We started counselling to see if we could be better but we were just swimming in quicksand.

So, here I was married, sad, with a phone number on a billboard to contact someone I was really attracted to.

I called Christopher’s flatmate, and got his number. Christopher told me how guilty he felt for what we had done and that he just didn’t want to be ‘that guy’ so I deleted his number and went back to my life, but something had changed inside me.

I realised that the person I was when I was with Christopher that night was interesting and sexual and dynamic; all of the things I no longer felt with my husband.

Slowly, like a butterfly, I was morphing into something greater than I had been allowing myself to be, realising I needed and deserved more from a relationship.

I went away for a weekend with friends. I travelled a few hours away, and yet by chance I bumped into the guy that Christopher had been at the pub with the first day we met.

You can’t argue with kismet, so I got his number again and we began chatting sporadically on the phone.

Jason and I been going to counselling for months, and we decided he would go home to London for a couple of weeks and on his return we would decide whether we would split up or stay together.

During that time I went for dinner with Christopher and didn’t leave his side for two days.

It was so amazing to be with someone who made me feels this way and I knew that my marriage was over.

It may not have meant that Christopher and I were meant to be together but I knew that I was selling myself short by existing in this passionless, lacklustre relationship.

I picked Jason up from the airport and told him immediately that I was leaving him. I never told Jason about Christopher, he didn’t need to know.

I moved out of my apartment while he got himself organised. Then I moved back in when he was gone. Within three months, I was blissfully living with Christopher.

Our lives together have not always been easy. We have had miscarriages, and babies, and businesses that went bust, but meeting him in the bar that day was the best thing that could ever have happened to me. I met my soul mate.

I was not a cheater by nature, and I would never do it again. It was circumstantial.

I’ve since had opportunities even, but I am not that woman.

What I have with Christopher is so precious that I would never risk hurting him or damaging what we have.

The post I met THE ONE when I was already married appeared first on Now To Love.

Except, in today’s technology-driven world, the language of love has gone from; “You are the apple of my eye,” to “LMAO bae, dtf on the w/e or netflix & chill ??”

Need a bit of help navigating 21st century romance? Let us decode all the terminology for you…

Want to find your own fairytale romance? Sign up to eharmony today!

Stashing

Have you been dating someone for a while, and realised they haven’t introduced you to anyone important in their lives?

We get it, meeting parents is a pretty big deal, but they haven’t even introduced you to their friends at a casual setting like drinks.

Soz, girl, but it sounds like you’re being “stashed.”

First coined by Ellen Scott of Metro UK, “stashing” occurs when the person you’re dating doesn’t really acknowledge your relationship in a public way.

This could be by failing to introduce you to people, or by never posting anything about you on social media (rude). But whatever the stashing looks like, there’s one thing you can know for sure: this person probably isn’t serious about you, at least not in the long-term.

Cushioning

Cushioning is like an extension of benching (see more below), but it’s kinda worse.

It’s when you’re in a relationship but have a few “cushions” around — people you’re flirting with — so if your relationship goes south, you have some “cushions” ready to soften your fall, aka your breakup.

Just a suggestion: if you have people cushions there’s probably something wrong with your relationship in the first place.

Benching

This is when someone you have been chatting with keeps finding ways to avoid actually seeing you in person, but continues to contact you over social media.

In other words, they are keeping you on their “bench” while they play out their other options. (Heads up, delete this bloke and never look back.)

Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing is the hot new dating term of 2017 that unfortunately does not involve bread but refers to ‘when a guy or girl gives someone just enough attention to keep their hope of a relationship alive’ (thanks Urban Dictionary).

It’s kinda like if ghosting and haunting had a baby (more on those later).

And yes, it’s inspired by Hansel and Gretel, which means one day those crumbs may disappear and you may find yourself at the mercy of a witch who wants to eat you.

Ghosting

The act of ghosting is when you are seeing someone and suddenly they disappear off the face of the earth.

Simply put, it’s a person’s way of telling you they aren’t interested anymore and it really sucks.

Situationship

This is defined as “a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established.”

Basically, it’s the guy who calls you up every weekend and lets you sleep over, but won’t hold your hand or take you on actual dates.

There’s no commitment, usually no exclusivity and situationships often come with a whole lot of confusion.

Slow Fade

Less dramatic than ghosting, but still annoying af.

Basically, a slow fade is when you are chatting with someone, who at first seemed interested, but over time the convo slowly dies and they make less of an effort to keep in touch.

Cuffing Season

This term refers to those who would normally be happily single but decide to be in a committed relationship for the colder months of the year.

They’ll usually stay in relationships until the summer months return and they can get back to flirting, nights out and all that jazz.

DTR

This is an acronym for ‘define the relationship’ and is often used when you want to know what the hell is going on with someone.

Typically, defining the relationship will end in one of two ways: commitment or heartbreak.

DTF

Bit different to the above; this is an acronym for ‘down to f–k.’

In other words, you will likely receive this from your local f–kboy after 10 PM, though the term isn’t as popular these days.

Sliding into their DMs

If you slide into someone’s DMs, it means you’re ready to take your social media flirting somewhere a little more private: their direct messages, instead of on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram where everyone can see.

And yes, this method actually works – Modern Family star Sarah Hyland found love with her beau after connecting over Twitter DMs.

Haunting

This is when someone who previously ghosted you comes back from the abyss and does something completely random, like following you on Instagram or ‘liking’ a picture from two years ago, just to remind you that they exist.

Some people also use this term for exes who continue to lurk their social media for weeks, months or years after a breakup.

Feminist boyfriend

This is literally what it says on the box.

He’s the ultimate BF. He understands that you aren’t getting paid enough, he will happily go and have high-tea with you and totally isn’t phased by subverting gender stereotypes.

Netflix & Chill

In case you haven’t picked up on this one, it basically means throwing on a Netflix movie, and not watching any of it… (because you’re having sex).

Thirsty

A term used to describe those who are extremely eager/desperate for a bit of action.

FWB

This is an acronym for ‘friends with benefits.’ A state whereby two people, who are simply friends, enjoy having casual sex on the reg.

Soft launch

A ‘soft launch’ is when someone subtly debuts a relationship or new romance on social media.

Think a photo of dinner with a new man’s hand visible, or a cute mirror selfie with a new beau but their face isn’t visible.

Hard launch

Literally the opposite – when you debut a relationship with a full-on post with no warning.

The post Stashing, bread-crumbing and the worst… haunting: We outline every modern day dating term and what they mean appeared first on Now To Love.

It can be easy to spot in movies and TV shows; just look at Kristen Wiig’s character Annie in Bridesmaids.

She’s in an unfulfilling “situationship” with a guy who doesn’t care about her, then a lovely man who really understands her comes along and they have great chemistry together.

So, what does Annie do? She pushes him away because she’s afraid of being hurt again and in doing so she sabotages the relationship before it can even begin.

Watching it play out on your TV screen, you almost want to scold Annie for ruining a healthy relationship she obviously wants, but real-life people are just as guilty of self-sabotage as TV and movie characters.

So, what makes us sabotage our own relationships? How can we spot self-sabotaging behaviours, and more importantly, how can we stop engaging in them?

Want your own fairytale romance? Try a free three-day trial at eHarmony!

What is self-sabotage?

Self-sabotaging is a pattern of behaviour that holds someone back from what they want or need, and it often presents itself in romantic relationships.

These behaviours are self-defeating and can wreak havoc on otherwise healthy relationships, but sometimes the people engaging in them don’t even realise they’re doing it.

Sometimes people who self-sabotage in relationships can find themselves perpetually single, or discover that none of their serious relationships last due to these behaviours.

The relationships that do last through sabotaging behaviours can often become unhealthy or imbalanced, and as a result become strained.

Why do people self-sabotage?

So, why do we do it? Self-sabotage in a relationship is often a defence mechanism, something a person uses – knowingly or not – to protect themselves from being hurt.

They may have experienced heartbreak or trauma in the past and are trying to prevent it from happening again, or they may just be scared of opening themselves up to pain if the relationship doesn’t work out.

Self-sabotage is almost always driven by fear, but it can be hard to recognise or identify in a relationship, as the behaviour isn’t a “one off” – it’s spread out through many different moments and interactions.

Of course, the sabotaging behaviour often leads to relationships ending, or never even getting started in the first place, but in the mind of a self-saboteur, it’s a win-win situation.

If the relationship fails, they get “proof” that they were right to protect themselves by sabotaging the relationship.

If it succeeds, they feel like they “won” because the relations succeeded despite their sabotaging ways.

How can we identify self-sabotage?

According to research from the University of Southern Queensland shared in The Conversation, there are three key patterns that people who self-sabotage in relationships follow.

These patterns are: defensiveness, trust issues and poor relationship skills. Let’s break them down.

Defensiveness

Do you find yourself putting walls up in relationships? This can be defensiveness, which often feels instinctive, to the point where some people don’t realise they’re doing it.

People who engage in defensive patterns of behaviour typically want to protect themselves from a perceived “threat”, which could be heartbreak, rejection, abandonment, criticism or something else within the relationship.

Trust issues

This often manifests as a fear of being vulnerable or honest, as well as jealousy or distrust of a partner – such as one partner who always thinks the other is cheating, despite there being no evidence.

People who struggle with this have often experienced betrayal or have had their trust broken in the past and fear it happening again.

So they choose not to trust, and in doing so close themselves off to relationships and partners.

Poor relationship skills

Some people simply lack the experience or skills gained through healthy relationships, and this can quickly cause them to self-sabotage.

Because they have limited positive experience to draw from, relationships can feel overwhelming and many people who engage in this pattern will close themselves off from relationships entirely.

How can we stop self-sabotaging?

The first step to solving any relationship problem is to identify it, then start working to address it.

For those who self-sabotage, this may start with gaining honest insight into what patterns of behaviour you exhibit and why you continue to engage in them.

You can also examine what you expect from relationships and partners and if it’s contributing to your self-sabotage; for example, expecting a partner to give you access to all their devices because of your trust issues may not be reasonable.

Getting your partner involved is also important, as they can work with you to identify and address the behaviours that may be sabotaging the relationship.

And remember that it’s always okay to seek outside help from a therapist, psychologist or other provider.

The post Why we really self-sabotage in relationships: How to spot it and put an end to it appeared first on Now To Love.

Katie Harlow* used to lie in bed wondering what on earth was wrong with her.

Her husband – a fit, healthy, high-flying guy – was never in the mood for sex. While friends bemoaned their husbands’ insatiable sexual demands, Katie went for weeks, months and then a year without making love to her husband.

“I felt totally rejected, bewildered, frustrated, angry, but mostly just sad,” she tells The Weekly. “And so alone. Was I the only woman in Australia whose husband didn’t want to have sex with her?”

Since splitting from her husband and feeling free to confide their bedroom blues, however, countless female friends have shared a similar tale. “I’ve started to think perhaps our sex life wasn’t that unusual,” Katie says.

Interestingly, Katie may be on to something…

Sexless marriages: a rising trend?

It’s difficult to say exactly how many of Australia’s married couples are too exhausted, cranky, overworked, resentful, stressed or depressed to get it on, but experts estimate that 15-20 per cent of couples have sex fewer than 10 times a year, which is how they define a sexless marriage.

The traditional tendency is to blame the woman, but sex therapists say the age-old story of the sexually indifferent wife with a permanent headache and the libidinous male who is always up for it is a myth.

“I see as many women who complain about their partners not wanting sex as much as they do, as I see men,” says Sydney relationship counsellor and sex therapist Matty Silver.

READ NEXT: How to talk to your kids about divorce

How many Australians are coping with a sexless marriage?

In a groundbreaking study into Australian sexuality, 14.6 per cent of women in heterosexual relationships reported that they hadn’t had sex at all in the preceding four weeks and only 0.7 per cent of them were OK with this.

The vast majority (68.3 per cent) said they wanted sex more often than they got it and 84 per cent said their ideal frequency would be two or more times a week, according to The Australian Study of Health and Relationships.

Based on both her own clinical observations and conversations with colleagues, Matty believes that the number of women desiring more sex in Australia is “grossly under-reported and under-discussed”.

In a culture where virility is linked inextricably to masculinity and desirability to femininity, it is hardly surprising that men and women in this predicament choose not to broadcast their bedroom woes.

Books such as He’s Just Not Up For It Anymore: Why Men Stop Having Sex And What You Can Do About It, by Bob Berkowitz and Susan Yager-Berkowitz, and The Sex-Starved Wife: What To Do When He’s Lost Desire, by Michele Weiner Davis, have started to shed light on what has been, until now, a social taboo.

“I’d say that low desire in men is America’s best kept secret,” says Michele Weiner Davis. Some local therapists believe it is Australia’s, too.

Why could this be happening?

Conventional wisdom holds that the only reasons men ever turn down sex is if their “plumbing” isn’t working, they are no longer attracted to their partner, or if they are having an affair.

Yet therapists say that a man’s sex drive can fluctuate for the same reasons a woman’s can: emotional disconnection, underlying resentment, unresolved relationship problems, stress, depression, sexual tedium, a heavy workload, exhaustion, or a sense that their partner is too critical of them.

WATCH: Five signs you’re likely to cheat on your partner. Post continues after video…

Tobacco and alcohol can wreak havoc on libidos, as can medication for depression (of particular concern when Australia is the second highest prescriber of anti-depressants among the 34 OECD nations – 8.9 per cent of us are on some form of daily anti-depressant).

Health issues, such as cardiovascular disease, obesity, hormonal fluctuations or diabetes can also affect sexual function and if men suddenly experience erectile problems, premature or delayed ejaculation, they can become too embarrassed to have sex and acquire ‘performance anxiety’.

Why communication is NOT happening

Sex therapists say men are typically reluctant to discuss the reasons for their drop in libido, leaving their partners baffled. The more pressure women put on them to discuss the issue, the more they withdraw.

Katie says she still has “no idea” what made her ex-husband stop desiring her.

“I brought it up regularly with him. I would just ask him what was going on and he would get really angry,” she says. “He just did not want to talk about it. I think he saw it as a slight to his ego.”

Sex therapist Bettina Arndt recognises that there is a “significant” body of high-drive, sexually frustrated women out there, but insists their numbers are dwarfed by the army of sex-starved men across Australia. However, she acknowledges that the misery is likely to be more acute for women who are sexually rejected.

“It is the very fact that women are so rarely on the other side of the fence that makes this experience particularly painful. They never expect not to be wanted,” she says.

“Since many of them are surrounded by friends whose partners are driving them mad by wanting sex, these women end up feeling there is something wrong with them.”

While many second-guess their desirability – “Are my boobs too small?”, “Have I put on too much weight?”, “Does he find other women sexier?”, “Am I doing something to put him off when we do have sex?” – Katie says her imagination ran wildly in other directions. Was her husband gay? Just not interested in sex? Should she take a lover?

“It’s very dangerous,” she says. “I would have had an affair if I had had the opportunity. And I wouldn’t even have felt bad about it.”

The (possibly negative) ramifications of a sexless marriage

Research shows that there ends up being less sex in relationships when the partner with the low libido is the male. The person with the lower desire in a relationship controls the frequency of sex.

Bettina adds that in heteronormative culture, men are expected to be the sexual initiators and have a high degree of resilience to rejection. Yet when the woman initiates and gets rebuffed, she soon throws in the towel.

“If you are a guy, it’s expected that women will put up a little bit of resistance,” agrees Katie. “But as a woman, you have grown up thinking that guys are always wanting to have sex and that you control that to a degree.

Relationship counsellors, sex therapists and psychologists can’t – and won’t – tell you how much sex you should be having. Some couples are happily sexless, while others are delirious doing it daily.

However, marriage pros agree that if either partner in a couple is unhappy with the frequency of sex in their relationship, the consequences can be catastrophic. Mismatched libidos can drive a wedge between partners, affect moods, undermine trust, raise resentment, cause hurt, destroy emotional intimacy, annihilate self-esteem and so on.

WATCH: Sex-starved relationship problems. Post continues after video…

What can you do to help the situation?

Experts stress that for the partner with the higher sex drive, the desire for sex is seldom about the orgasm itself, but about feeling wanted, loved and emotionally connected.

• A good first port of call is a counsellor or sex therapist, who may also refer you on to a sexual health physician if the problem is physical.

• Talk things out as a couple. “The most crucial thing is to get couples communicating,” says Matty Silver. “Talking about sex is one of the most difficult things a couple can do, but how can you learn what is going on with your partner if you don’t talk to each other?”

• Make a healthy sex life a priority in your relationship. “Sex is what differentiates you from all the other women in your partner’s life. He comes home and sleeps with you. It’s that reconnection,” says Katie.

*Some names have been changed for anonymity.

READ NEXT: How to avoid the most common divorce mistakes

The post Coping with a sexless marriage? Here is what to do when you’re in a relationship rut appeared first on Now To Love.

Gaslighting is essentially emotionally manipulating someone – and it happens more often than you’d expect.

We chatted to Relationships Australia CEO Elisabeth Shaw about how to spot the signs of gaslighting, plus how to address the issue with your partner and shut it down for good.

What is gaslighting?

The term gaslighting originates from the 1944 drama Gaslight, starring Charles Boyer and Ingrid Berman, about a woman whose husband slowly manipulates her into believing that she is going insane.

In the film, the female protagonist sees the lights flicker for no reason, but her husband tells her that it’s all in her head.

The term is now used in a relationship context to describe a situation when a person will distort the perceptions of their partner to gain power in the relationship and to usually ensure that their partner is focused on them.

The dangerous thing about gaslighting, however, is that while comments sound supportive on the surface, they gradually separate the partner from their social context.

“On the face of it, it can sound alright and it can be very subtle,” says Elisabeth.

“But it builds a picture over time where the person loses confidence in themselves, loses confidence in their own reading of a situation or circumstance, feels less worthy themselves and can actually end up feeling more bonded to the person doing it because it ultimately is coercive and a means of gaining control.”

Comments and remarks that may indicate gaslighting include phrases like:

• “Your friends don’t really like and support you.”

• “Your family’s not really on your side, I think they just don’t love you as much as your sister/brother.”

• “You’ve never been good at that.”

• “I understand you’re not that good at it, we’re not all good at things.”

However because these comments are usually a series of what can look like one-off, subtle remarks, it’s easy to dismiss them, and they can even fly under the radar of friends and family.

Even when they’re brought up, a gaslighter typically responds by invalidating their partner and saying things like “You’re being too sensitive” or “I didn’t mean it that way.”

But Elisabeth says a good way to recognise gaslighting is to ask yourself if you feel better about yourself since entering the relationship.

WATCH BELOW: Body language expert Suzanne Masefield on how to have difficult conversations. Post continues after video…

“Generally, if you could say over this period of time ‘I’ve lost confidence, I’m now more at home, I don’t see my friends as much,’ then that can be one way to help you notice it over time because it is subtle and sometimes you need a bigger span of time to realise what’s happening,” says Elisabeth.

She adds that it’s important to listen to friends and family if they comment on how they dislike the way your partner talks to you, to make sure you don’t join in dismissing it as well.

“Make sure that if someone’s saying ‘That sounded hurtful,’ you don’t just excuse it but you actually do stop and listen because sometimes other people might’ve given you a tip that this isn’t great,” she explains.

How to confront a partner who is gaslighting you

If you feel like you’ve been invalidated in your relationship, Elisabeth says that the first step to resolving it is building some confidence in your own experience by thinking of examples.

“Certainly if there’s a bigger example like calling you names or saying you’re hopeless at something directly where it was outright rude, you might feel more confident to start with a specific example,” she says.

“But if you’ve already tried that and you find that each example is dismissed, it might be more to say ‘In general, I don’t like how you speak to me, I don’t believe you build me up, I don’t believe the way you generally speak about me is in a proud and respectful way.'”

She adds that you may need to relay numerous examples to describe how you feel like you’re being treated in the relationship, but highlights that the examples aren’t really what matters in the scheme of things – it’s about how you are feeling.

“You want a partner who says and means ‘I’m very sorry that’s your experience and I want to go about fixing it.’ You don’t have to be 100 per cent right or maybe you haven’t chosen the best possible examples, but in the end it’s about that,” she siad.

“In the end, it’s about ‘Do I have a partner who cares about my experience?’ whereas I think often people walk away saying ‘No wonder I was shot down, I’m too sensitive.’ You want a partner who takes you seriously no matter what you’re bringing up.”

Elisabeth highlights that gaslighting is “absolutely” something that she sees in her clients and that it’s one of the behaviours that professionals would commonly see in behaviours under a domestic violence category.

“It’s connected to social isolation because if you lose confidence you tend to withdraw from things and so absolutely we see it in that context,” she explains, before adding that many people consider abuse and violence too strong to describe the situation.

WATCH BELOW: 11 ways to get over your ex. Post continues after video…

“While it is in a pattern of violence and abuse, some people think violence and abuse has to be physical, but emotional abuse can happen within what looks like an otherwise fairly functioning relationship and can be really harmful.

“I think if you look at it just within respectful healthy relationship behaviour, this kind of thing would be seen to be very eroding of a good connection and good intimacy, because if you feel bad about yourself, you don’t feel empowered to address all sorts of things in the relationship, like how to tackle parenting or your sex life or friendship issues or career goals, if you’re starting to feel fairly worthless.

“These are common things we talk about with couples all the time, because even in the best of relationships, you can get into the habit of talking about the negatives and not the positives and so reminding people that a good relationship thrives on positive rather than negative feedback is critical, even in the ordinary course of our counselling as well as in our violence and abuse set of services.”

If you or someone you know needs help contact the Australian Helpline 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).

The post What is gaslighting and how do you recognise it in relationships? An expert reveals all appeared first on Now To Love.

Though they’ve never met, Susan knows the woman’s face well. After all, there are pictures of her throughout the home she and John share.

While she struggles to admit it, Susan often feels like she’s living in the woman’s shadow. Why shouldn’t she? The woman is John’s first wife, Bethany, who died five years ago.

Since falling in love with John, Susan has tried to make room in her marriage for memories of Bethany, but it’s far from easy.

“Building relationships can be a daunting experience at the best of times, but when it involves a widower it can be fraught with its own unique set of emotional obstacles,” psychologist and couples counsellor Annie Gurton says.

Timing is everything

While grief has no time limit, Annie says if a widower isn’t ready he risks being overcome by feelings of guilt.

“In most of these cases, the key to starting a successful future relationship is timing,” she says.

If he has already been dating and talks about wanting to find love again, he’s probably ready for a relationship. But if it’s only been a matter of weeks or months, you may encounter raw grief from him, and resentment and concern from his family and friends.

“Friends and family can sometimes feel that he’s not ready for love, or that she was so special nobody else could take her place,” Annie says. “Even when they’re supportive and happy to see him in a loving relationship again, there will always be a part of his life that didn’t include you.”

While acknowledging his late wife is important, make it clear that you’re not trying to replace her or erase her memory. You are your own person and, over time, should be accepted as a valuable, loving partner.

“If you do encounter a difficult time from his friends and family, have patience – hopefully they will come around,” Annie says.

Want to find your own fairytale romance? Sign up to eharmony today!

Protect your heart

In many ways, dating a widower is no different to courting any other partner.

“Everyone comes with some baggage, whether it’s through divorce or death,” Annie explains.

As with any new relationship, protect yourself by taking things slowly and, if possible, discuss the ups and downs with friends who have experienced a similar situation.

“To find love, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable – and that exposes you to the possibility of being hurt. But without taking that risk, love will never come,” Annie adds.

Warning signs to watch out for

While he can’t be prevented from thinking about her, take care if you sense his late wife still has a strong presence in his heart. Any successful union requires both people involved to make the other person the centre of their universe. So if a widower is letting his late wife come between the two of you, it could be time to move on.

“Worrying signs include not wanting to introduce you to his family and friends, and not expressing his feelings to you,” Annie explains.

To be sure there’s room in his heart for a new relationship, listen to his words and observe his actions.

If he’s ready and well-adjusted, he will make you his future and therefore a priority, and resist living in the past.

“If he says the right things, makes you feel safe and is kind and considerate, chances are he means what he says. This is how you tell whether any potential suitor – widowed, divorced or bachelor – is ready to commit to a relationship,” Annie says.

Respect his history

As your relationship grows, accepting that another woman will always be in his memories can be difficult. But it’s important to respect his past and the connection his adult children, family and friends still have to her as well.

“They will never forget her, and you shouldn’t want them to, but that doesn’t mean she has to be discussed daily or that her mementos and photos adorn every wall in the house,” Annie says.

With sensitivity and tact, it’s possible to find ways to talk about his late wife while ensuring you both feel safe and comfortable with the topic.

“Every so often, ask about how she would have handled special events, such as family birthdays and Christmas,” Annie says. “You don’t want to become her ghost and do everything the way she did, but showing some interest keeps his past from being a forbidden subject.”

It can also be helpful to reach an agreement on how you will both manage significant dates.

“Know that the worst time for him is probably the anniversary of her death, but Christmas, birthdays and holidays can be equally as difficult,” Annie explains.

“Give him and the family space at those times, and offer your condolences, but also think of ways to build your own new memories and occasions together.”

Famous widowers who’ve found love again

TV and radio star Rove McManus, 43, began dating his now wife, actress Tasma Walton, 43, one year after his first wife, Belinda Emmett, died of cancer.

Actor Pierce Brosnan, 63, married American journalist Keely Shaye Smith, 53, 10 years after his late wife, Cassandra Harris, lost her battle with ovarian cancer.

Aussie cricketer Glenn McGrath, 47, and interior designer Sara Leonardi, 35, tied the knot two years after the death of his first wife, Jane.

The post “Listen to their words, observe their actions”: Here’s how to best approach things if you’re dating a widower appeared first on Now To Love.

But it can inadvertently become a stressful day filled with a lot of pressure.

Let us take some of the load off – here are 10 fantastic Valentine’s Day gifts to give to the special man in your life.

Monogrammed TDE cardholder: $59

Many men don’t like carrying around bulky wallets in their pockets, so this chic and sleek cardholder is a great alternative.

There’s enough space for an ID and a few credit cards. Plus the monogram is a lovely personal touch!

Available at The Daily Edited.

Country Road Weekender Bag: $249

Do you have a fantasy of being whisked away on a spontaneous romantic weekend away with your man?

Well, now he will have a bag to take! This very chic and manly weekender bag is perfect for mini-getaways and even work trips.

Available at Country Road.

Sheridan Bathrobe: $89

Give the gift of the luxury of a hotel room, but in the comfort of his own home!

These robes are so soft and fluffy – plus you can get them monogrammed with his initials or a cute “Dad” title.

Available at Sheridan.

Academy Brand Linen Shirt: $89.95

Every man needs a classic linen shirt in his wardrobe.

They’re a perfect way to keep looking smart on hot summer evenings and he can even get away with wearing one to the office.

Available from Academy Brand.

Ralph Lauren Blue Cologne: $120

Ralph Lauren Blue is a classic men’s fragrance that smells good on every man.

Available from Chemist Warehouse.

Aesop Moroccan Neroli Shaving Duet: $85

Aesop is an Australian beauty brand that makes amazing skincare products.

Their packaging is very chic and gender neutral – so your man won’t be freaked out by these beauty products.

The shaving kit will help him take care of his skin and keep that stubble in check.

Available from Aesop.

Archie Rose Gin: $80

Sydney-based gin brand Archie Rose has made waves with their range of artisan spirits.

This gin seriously holds its own against established brands like Bombay Sapphire and Tanqueray.

Available from Dan Murphy’s.

Calvin Klein Underwear 3-Pack: $99.95

Sick of the gross old jocks your man gets about in?

Give him a packet of these and he will be converted.

Available from The Iconic.

Aquila Men’s Shoes: $299

Acquila make beautiful, great-quality leather shoes that will last for years. These are perfect for work or formal events like weddings and the races.

Available from The Iconic and Acquila stores.

Adidas Gazelle Sneakers: $120

These sneakers are a great off-duty shoe for the weekends if you’re sick of your man getting about in thongs!

The Adidas Gazelles are the sneaker of the season and they go well with jeans, shorts and chinos.

Available from The Iconic.

The post 10 Valentines Day gifts that are sure to impress your significant other appeared first on Now To Love.

However, if reports are correct, their on-screen relationship was one that only lived on our TV screens, and certainly not in real life.

Tensions seemingly escalated and boiled over in 2018 following the tragic passing of Kim’s brother, Chris.

“I don’t need your love or support at this tragic time @sarahjessicaparker,” Cattrall wrote in response to SJP sending Cattrall her condolensces following the tragic passing of her brother, Chris.

“My Mom [sic] asked me today “When will that @sarahjessicaparker, that hypocrite, leave you alone?” Your continuous reaching out is a painful reminder of how cruel you really were then and now.”

She continued: “Let me make this VERY clear. (If I haven’t already) You are not my family. You are not my friend. So I’m writing to tell you one last time to stop exploiting our tragedy in order to restore your ‘nice girl’ persona.”

So, what went wrong? When did this hostility actually start? And what fuelled it?

Well, THIS is everything we know so far…

Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall: What we know so far

SJP and Kim Cattrall

February 2004: SATC showed its final episode after six seasons of production. The first SATC movie was supposed to start filming soon after the show wrapped up but rumours swirled that the delay in shooting it came down to salary negotiations – namely Cattrall asking for a raise on account of SJP being promoted to executive producer after Season Two. As reported by The Telegraph four years later, it was Cattrall’s move to ask for more money that caused SJP, Kristin Davis and Cynthia Nixon to distance themselves from Cattrall.

SJP and Kim Cattrall

September 2004: While Sarah Jessica, along with Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis, were seen celebrating the hit show’s big Emmys wins of the year at a HBO afterparty, Cattrall was nowhere to be seen with her three co-stars. (Notably, Cattrall also didn’t sit with SJP, Cynthia and Kritsin during the Emmys, themselves.) When quizzed about this following the event, Cattrall said: “Are we best friends? No. We’re professional actresses. We have our own separate lives.”

SJP and Kim Cattrall

December 2004: When asked by Jonathon Ross what went down between her and her SATC colleagues and why the show wrapped up, Cattrall replied: “I felt after six years it was time for all of us to participate in the financial windfall of Sex And The City. When they didn’t seem keen on that, I thought it was time to move on…”

SJP and Kim Cattrall

May 2008: Fast-forward three-and-a-half years later and the subtle, yet very noticeable Hollywood hum of the rift between SJP and Cattrall resurfaced. When asked about rumours of a feud between them during an interview to promote the Sex And The City movie, SJP replied: “Honestly, we are all friends and I wish I saw more of Kim. She mentioned money and no-one should vilify her for it. People made a decision that we had vilified her. No one bothered to say [to the rest of us], ‘Are you disappointed by not making the movie?’ Yes. ‘Do you respect and support her choice to not do it?’ Absolutely.”

SJP and Kim Cattrall

November 2009: The rift that keeps giving… SJP is asked yet again about her feud with Cattrall – this time, in an interview with Elle magazine. “I don’t think anybody wants to believe that I love Kim. I adore her. I wouldn’t have done the [first Sex And The City] movie without her. Didn’t and wouldn’t.”

SJP and Kim Cattrall

January 2010: Just two months later, Cattrall echoed SJP’s sentiment, claiming that pitting the two of them against each other is only done so for pure “gossip”. “I think Sarah was right: People don’t want to believe that we get on,” she said. “They have too much invested in the idea of two strong, successful women fighting with each other. It makes for juicy gossip and copy. The truth of us being friends and getting along and happily doing our jobs together is where near as newsworthy. I think Sarah is fantastic… She and I are sick of this. It’s exhausting talking about it, and a real bore. Next?”

SJP and Kim Cattrall

May 2010: Another day, another interviewer probing SJP about the talked-about unrest with Cattrall. This time, however, she didn’t soften the blow with niceties… “When you’re on set, you’re working 90-hour weeks, you’re never home, you’re exhausted,” she said during a promo interview for Sex And The City 2. “There are times when all of us have been sensitive, and sometimes feelings get hurt. But I don’t have any regrets about how I’ve treated people.”

SJP and Kim Cattrall

June 2016: So, would there be another SATC movie? Without commenting on any cast members, Cattrall carefully/politically diffused the question. “Everyone is doing their own thing and if it was going to happen, it would have happened by now,” she said. “It would be a challenge to do a third installment. It could be fun though. To say goodbye completely to Samantha would be pretty hard.”

October 2016: Three months on and SJP lashes out at “society” for pitting owmen against each other while talking about how she and Cattrall were always thought to be amid a “catfight”. “Was every day perfect? Were people always desperately, hopefully in love with each other? No, but this is a family of people who needed each other, relied upon each other and loved each other,” she said.

“This sort of narrative, this ongoing catfight, it really upset me for a very long time.”

September 2017: It’s official: Sex And The City 3 has been ditched reportedly because Cattrall flat-out didn’t want to do the movie. While Cattrall was quick to deny the allegations – “‘The only ‘DEMAND’ I ever made was that I didn’t want to do a 3rd film….& that was back in 2016,” she declared on Twitter – SJP couldn’t help but vent her disappointment. “I’m disappointed. We had this beautiful, funny, heartbreaking, joyful, very relatable script and story,” she said. “It’s not just disappointing that we don’t get to tell the story and have that experience, but more so for that audience that has been so vocal in wanting another movie.”

January 2018: There, she said it: Cattrall tells Piers Morgan that she and SJP have never been friends. “We’ve never been friends,” she began. “We’ve been colleagues and in some ways it’s a very healthy place to be because then you have a clear line between your professional life and relationship and your personal.” SJP seemed to be shattered by this revelation, telling Andy Cohen soon after the Morgan-Cattrall interview that she was “heartbroken” by Cattrall’s admission. “Just…heartbroken,” she replied. “I mean that whole week, you and I spoke about it … I found it really upsetting because that’s, you know, that’s not the way I recall our experience.”

February 2018: Following the untimely death of her brother, Chris, Cattrall received an outpouring of love and support from people all over – including SJP. “Dearest Kim, my love and condolences to you and yours and Godspeed to your beloved brother,” SJP wrote on Cattrall’s Instagram post that confirmed her brother’s passing. Cattrall replied: “My Mom [sic] asked me today “When will that @sarahjessicaparker, that hypocrite, leave you alone?” Your continuous reaching out is a painful reminder of how cruel you really were then and now.”

The post A definitive timeline of Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall’s falling out appeared first on Now To Love.

“My kids had moved out and I was feeling pretty lonely at the time,” she says. “This seemed like a great way to meet new people.”

Sandra was in luck – within hours of setting up her profile she was contacted by a most amazing man; one who happened to share her interests, passions and goals.

Sure, he lived interstate and was having financial difficulties – a result of a messy divorce of his own – but he was determined to fly to Sydney to meet her… if only he could scrape together the cash.

“I sent him a couple of thousand initially to cover the first flight, but then, when something came up and that money got sunk into the court case, I sent him more and more still.”

Six months later, Sandra found herself some $30,000 poorer and alone – she was the victim of a Nigerian online dating scam.

“Losing the money was tough, but it’s the betrayal that haunts me more than anything else.”

Sadly, Sandra is not the exception. Baby boomers are the fastest growing user groups of online dating, with Australian dating website RSVP claiming adults aged 50-plus represent 22 per cent of its members.

But for every couple falling in love, there are many falling victim to scams, with romance-related fraud costing Aussies $25.2 million last year – up eight per cent on the previous year, according to the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission (ACCC).

The most frightening aspect? This money almost impossible to recover, and the older you are, the more likely you are to be targeted, says ACCC deputy chair Delia Rickard.

“The over-45s are considered gold for crime syndicates because not only are they more likely to be divorced, widowed and vulnerable, there’s a greater likelihood they’ll have a decent sum of money in the bank they can send across.”

Want to find your own fairytale romance? Sign up to eharmony today!

Slick operation

These types of scams often unfold in the same way: scammers target victims by creating fake profiles on a variety of dating sites.

Once you’ve exchanged a few messages, they’ll express strong feelings for you and suggest you move the relationship away from the website to email, instant messaging and phone.

There, they’ll work at building your trust and lowering your defences.

“These people will have spent time researching you – whether it be through your dating profile, social media or other – so they can start off on the right foot with you,” says Delia.

“They will then spend weeks, months and sometimes even years grooming you before that first request comes, so that by the time they need money for something, like a sick child’s medical care, you feel a connection and a need to provide.”

Warning signs

Luckily, there are clues that can help you sniff out a scam, long before any money changes hands. These include:

Their profile picture looks like it’s from a magazine or seems at odds with their description.

They live interstate or overseas working for the military or in mining (thus providing a great cover as to why they can’t see you in person).

Emails are poorly written, vague and reveal very little personal information.

They’ll organise to meet you or Skype but will cancel at the last minute.

They’ll tell you an elaborate story and ask for money. “And that’s just it – they’ll always ask you for money. That’s your biggest clue,” says Delia.

Play it safe

Whenever you meet someone online, the first thing you should do is enter their photo into Google image search.

“This will help determine they are who they say they are,” says Delia.

Other ways to protect yourself include:

Never give credit card or online account details to anyone via email.

Be careful about how much personal information you share online.

Never send money to anyone you haven’t actually met in person.

Think you’ve been scammed? Contact your financial institution immediately and report it to ACCC’s SCAMwatch on 1300 795 995, or at scamwatch.gov.au

The post Dating Online Over 40: Don’t fall for Mr Wrong if you’re dating online appeared first on Now To Love.

But that doesn’t mean you are forced to let your love life suffer.

Whether you’re single or attached, former Married At First Sight star Carly Bowyer shares her tips on the best way to adjust to the new world of dating and relationships when all you’ve got is four walls and a WiFi connection.

Staying coupled up without killing each other

While her MAFS relationships with Justin Fischer and later, Troy Delmege, didn’t last, Carly has since gone on to find love with actor Neil Goldsmith.

Carly, who now co-hosts Nova’s dating podcast Finding a Unicorn, says people in relationships should embrace the uninterrupted time together and get intimate.

“Increase the sex,” she laughs. “That’s what everyone is telling me, who are in couples – that they’re just having sex because they’re bored. There may be a baby boom in nine months’ time.”

Want to find your own fairytale romance? Sign up to eharmony today!

However, the downside of being forced to spend more time with your other half than usual is getting on each other’s nerves.

Carly warns couples to put some safeguards in place to minimise potential dramas.

“They’re not used to spending this much time together so all of a sudden it’s like ‘Sh-t, we don’t actually get along’ the divorce rates are increasing, people are having fights,” she explains.

“Even though you might be stuck indoors with someone, I think it’s important to have your own space as well. Like don’t be on top of each other all the time. Try to get up and do some exercise.“

Single and still ready to mingle

For singles, the situation is potentially even scarier. It’s tough to meet Mr or Mrs Right when you can barely leave your loungeroom, after all.

According to Carly, the secret is staying positive, making use of dating apps but also not being afraid to bring back old-school courting methods.

“Get on the dating apps. People need to embrace it and get on board and put yourself out there,” Carly says.

She also advises to take the time to get to know people through love letters or phone calls.

“People aren’t really used to making phone calls, people do texting a lot. You’re going to have to start actually calling people which is really different.

“I know that sounds stupid but in our generation, people don’t actually pick up the phone and actually talk so people just need to get on board and just do it.”

Carly adds that nailing your dating app profile is essential, and advises singletons to “just have fun with it” .

According to the reality star, including a joke in your bio is always a big tick and says variation is key when choosing photos. Carly says dating app profiles need a mix that includes a full length picture, an up-close selfie, some going out pics and a few “low-key cute” ones as well.

Keep the spark alive with quirky date ideas

Now that the traditional ways to impress a love interest have gone out the window, it’s time to get creative.

As well as increasing the use of heartfelt text messages and chatting via FaceTime, Carly suggests upping the ante in a different way.

“Because obviously, you don’t have physical touch anymore, another cute idea is doing little things like sending people UberEats or online delivery and doing those kind of grand gestures,” she says.

How to send nudes

Another classic way to spice things up, whether you’re single or taken for? Sending nudes, of course. Carly says the “perfect nude” comes down to several factors.

“Don’t put your face in it, you have to be a little bit careful with security. I know that revenge porn is illegal nowadays but still,” she says, adding “No face, good lighting, good angles.”

Be warned though; the devil is in the details and Carly warns that mistake like typos can be a total turn off and distract from the sexy image you want your recipient to focus on.

And for those wondering whether how much skin is too much? Well, it seems the choice is a personal one.

“It’s actually quite funny because we spoke about that on the podcast that we thought guys didn’t like the full-frontal genitalia shots,” Carly says.

“We did a poll on our Instagram about that and it was close to 50/50 which we were surprised about. So girls – don’t be afraid to get that out there if you need to!”

For more, check out Carly Bowyer’s Nova podcast, Finding a Unicorn

The post From sending nudes to quirky date nights: How to stop your love life from falling to pieces in self-isolation, according to a MAFS star appeared first on Now To Love.

While there’s plenty of advice for those looking to online date, ideas for couples who already live together or who are isolating in the same house are limited.

Self-isolation may have sounded great at first: you and your significant other all alone, spending quality time together.

But, you probably learned (very quickly) that being trapped inside all day, every day, is anything but romantic.

If it feels as though your life has become nothing but work, chores, television and nagging, it’s time to bring date night back from its self-isolation induced death.

Here are our favourite ways to rekindle the romance at home.

And there are no suggestions of a games night, we promise.

C’mon baby light my fire

Got a fireplace? Outdoor fire pit? A Mexican chiminea still lying around from that Spanish décor phase you went through in the 90s?

It’s the perfect time to light that fire (and reignite the one between you and your partner, too).

Cosy up with some cheese and wine or even giant marshmallows, for those with a sweet tooth.

Backyard or balcony picnic

If you don’t have the right equipment to heat things up, a backyard picnic could be for you.

Grab a rug or head to your outdoor setting, light some candles and take the time to reconnect over some tasty treats.

A night at the opera

Although IRL performances have been suspended, the famous Sydney Opera House is now live-streaming performances straight into your living room.

The SOH digital season has something for every couple.

There are live talks from the likes of renowned novelist Alain de Botton and beloved culinary goddess Nigella Lawson, as well as live performances from famous musicians and theatre companies.

You can see what’s coming up here.

Want to find your own fairytale romance? Sign up to eharmony today!

Go to the ballet

For lovers of ballet and live performances, The Australian Ballet has you covered.

Launching its digital season, The Australian Ballet is streaming full shows for free so you can watch from home.

Each performance is available for a few weeks at a time and the schedule includes iconic ballets such as The Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella and Romeo & Juliet.

You can see the full details here.

Get cooking

This one can go two ways: things can get hot and steamy as you cook up a feast together, or you’ll want to strangle one another with the spaghetti you attempted to make from scratch.

While slaving away in the kitchen isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, there’s something fun about doing it with your partner.

Trust us, give it a try.

Master a class

Learning a new skill or hobby together can be romantic, exciting and help strengthen your bond.

Since travel is all but impossible right now, Airbnb is bringing cultural experiences from around the world into your home.

Whether it’s learning to make pasta from an Italian nonna (see aforementioned cooking date) or Spanish Flamenco dancing, there are plenty of options for all interests.

You can find out more here.

Watch: Airbnb’s isolation classes. Story continues below.

Score front row seats

Nothing says romance like reliving your first live gig together or dancing the night away at a concert.

If you and your significant other have a favourite band or want to relive a past gig, there’s a good chance you can find the entire concert online.

Tune in and turn your living room into your own private mosh pit, with the added bonus of no pesky fans elbowing you out of the way.

Looking for love? Sign up for eharmony

https://xd.wayin.com/display/container/dc/33654eea-09b9-4dce-9f06-0c40fce7b400/details?mode=responsive

Want more tips on how to stay sane during self-isolation? We’ve got you covered!

Uplifting movies and shows to stream in these dark, self-isolating times

So long, daggy PJs! Chic and and comfy loungewear to wear whilst self-isolating

Free at-home workouts you can do while in self-isolation

Disney+ announces early release of Frozen 2 because not all heroes wear capes

Fun activities to do with the kids while isolating at home

The best Tom Hanks films to watch in self-isolation… whilst Tom Hanks is also in isolation

Pop on your headphones and switch off your busy mind: These are the best podcasts to listen to while you’re in self-isolation

The post Romance revival: Unexpected date night ideas for couples who are isolating together appeared first on Now To Love.

Jordan Baker investigates the different types of mean women, and how to deal with them – one at a time.

When Sally* took up martial arts, she joined what she thought was a well-run gym owned by a friendly young couple, John and Vanessa.

She was welcomed into the fold; her fellow students were friendly, and Vanessa seemed keen to make her feel at home.

Sally loved her new training centre. She threw herself into the work and social activity, and after a while, a friendship with one of the instructors, James, became romantic.

Their flirtation blossomed into a courtship that would one day become an engagement. But when they revealed their relationship to the others, things changed for Sally. She discovered that James’ ex-girlfriend was friends with Vanessa.

From that point, Vanessa became not only frosty, but nasty. She encouraged the other students to avoid Sally. She no longer invited Sally to social activities, but made sure she knew she was excluded. She became highly critical of every aspect of Sally’s training — her technique, her fitness, her commitment.

Sally’s partner, James, didn’t take Vanessa’s behaviour seriously. For him it was ‘petty girl stuff’, and both of them needed to grow up.

Sally found the whole experience hurtful and confusing. She could understand James’ ex-girlfriend might be upset about him meeting someone else, but why was Vanessa so intent on revenge? Why were the other women joining Vanessa’s vendetta? And why couldn’t James see what was going on?

Sally blamed herself. Maybe she had done something to offend? Perhaps there was something wrong with her?

“I would often cry before I went to training,” she says. “I kept going because it was the best way I had found to cope with my grief. I thought I’d left that kind of behaviour behind in high school — turns out I was wrong.”

Flashbacks to high school

Like Sally, many of us experienced that particularly female kind of warfare at high school, when hormones, insecurities and playground politics created a breeding ground for nastiness.

There was silent treatment, exclusion, backstabbing. There were girls who made nasty comments, or spread false rumours, or giggled about others, and who seemed intent on belittling, humiliating and undermining.

Unfortunately, some of those ‘mean girls’ turn into mean women. They take their behaviour into adulthood and continue to inflict it upon other women in their friendship circle, their family or their workplace.

During her years as a psychologist, Meredith Fuller estimates she has seen thousands of women coming to see her about their struggle to cope with a campaign of subtle nastiness from the “bitch” (her terminology) in their life.

According to Meredith, bitchy behaviour is not as overt as bullying — it’s too nebulous to pin down as deliberate sabotage.

WATCH: Mean Girls you can’t sit with us scene. Post continues after video…

A bully or a b–ch?

“The difference between bullying and a bitch is you’re talking about someone who is engaged in behaviours that are very subtle,” says Meredith, the author of Working With Mean Girls, a women’s guide to handling bitchy behaviour.

She defines it as sustained pattern of behaviour that amounts to an emotional campaign, but one that is so faint that most women think it’s their problem — that they are too sensitive, or reading the behaviour wrongly, or inadvertently triggering the problem.

“It creates a bit of a time bomb,” says Meredith. “You are still not sure if it’s really happening, or if you’re imagining it. As time goes on, you start to feel lower in confidence, your immune system is affected, and you are doing things that really compromise your career.”

Of course, men are no angels, and can be both bullies and bitches. But often, says Meredith, conflict between men is overt — they argue at a meeting, then laugh about it over lunch.

Women can be more devious, perhaps because they were never encouraged to be assertive as girls and so learned different ways to meet their needs.

“Some [of these behaviours] are unconscious,” says Meredith. “They don’t realise what they are doing, and they probably don’t want to hurt another person, they just have inadequate relationship skills and they haven’t had a good interpersonal model — they are doing the best they know with a limited range of resources.

“But some women think it’s funny. Some say they love to put the boot in, to see what other people are made of, and they see that as, ‘If you can’t stand the heat in the kitchen, get out’.”

Women who experienced schoolyard nastiness can feel, in adulthood, like they are having a flashback.

“The healthy part of you is re-triggered for a good reason, it’s like your body is saying watch out, this person is not safe,” says Maureen. “If you have had that experience in early life, sometimes you can start to worry — ‘Is it me, do I attract it?’ You really start doing the self-blame. Then you feel ashamed.

“There are a lot of women who have idyllic childhoods, and they never noticed what went on. They haven’t got any war wounds whatsoever, so when these odd sort of behaviours start happening, and they are more shocked.”

Trying to engage a male partner on this issue can leave women feeling even more isolated, says Meredith, because many men struggle to understand how hurtful and confusing the experience can be.

“Their male partner says, ‘I don’t know what the problem is, just tell her to get lost’, and the husband thinks he’s solved your problem,” she says.

“One woman I spoke to, who is very senior, said she would come home, and she would start crying in front of her husband and sons. They would think, ‘What’s the matter with you?'”

The different types of nasty

Not all ‘bitchiness’ is as nasty as Vanessa’s campaign against Sally. It’s the co-worker who deliberately embarrasses you in a meeting, the friend who puts you down in front of others, or the critical mother-in-law.

One teacher went to see Meredith about another, more senior teacher at school, who was constantly sniping at her choice of dress, saying it was inappropriate for a boys’ school.

“She would continually scold me about what I was wearing, to the point where I would get nervous walking past her,” she says.

“I could wear a neck-to-knee robe, and she would find something wrong with it. I began to worry about going to work, it completely undermined my confidence.”

Another woman described a boss who treated her female staff like children. She did this loudly, and in front of lots of people.

When she was a few minutes late to a conference and slipped in at the back with a male colleague, her boss demanded — in front of the entire gathering — that she sit down the front, “where I can keep an eye on you”. The male was not required to do the same thing.

Types of mean girls

From the cases Meredith studied, she developed rough categories of ‘mean girls’.

The Excluder: She fails to acknowledge you, appears not to hear your hello, and might giggle or roll her eyes while you’re talking.

The Insecure: She loves telling people what to do, and will tell you what you already know. She doubts other people’s competence.

The Toxic: She is overly friendly at first, and attempts to engage your sympathy with tales of how horrible other women have been to her, but becomes needy and demanding.

The Narcissist: She needs to believe that she is the most popular or admired person in the office, but puts down others and gets irritable if things do not go her way.

The Screamer: She screams or yells, using intimidation to get the job done. She is perceived as being in a perpetual bad mood.

The Liar : She can be charming, but is unreliable and always finds excuses for her behaviour. She lacks empathy and puts her needs first.

The Incompetent: She is not up to whatever job she has, but goes to great lengths to hide it, including passing off other people’s work or ideas as her own.

The Not-a-Bitch: She disagrees with you, reminds you to complete tasks you are required to do, reinforces office protocols and holds you accountable.

WATCH: How to get the perfect etiquette as seen in Downton Abbey. Post continues after video…

How to avoid nasty women

Meredith’s tips for protecting ourselves from this behaviour include never engaging in gossip with them, keeping our distance and changing our expectations.

She also encourages women to take a long hard look at themselves and ask — ‘is it possible I’ve got it wrong?’

Meredith also says, women need to ask themselves whether the problem may actually lie with them. Am I being stand-offish? A bit over-sensitive? Am I really doing my job as well as I can, or is there room for improvement? If a friend or co-worker is being touchy, they might have a good reason.

“We’re all not perfect, and sometimes when we’re stressed, we can revert to a ratty way of behaving,” says Meredith. “Women are trying to juggle too much, we are very busy, and there’s not a lot of time to reflect.

“Sometimes we do things we don’t intend to do, but no-one ever tells us, so you just keep doing it and you don’t realise the impact you can have on someone else.”

Meredith counselled Irene, who worked in retail, and was a nervous wreck thanks to a deeply conscientious manager who wore her diligence as a badge of honour, and berated others for failing to live up to her standard.

“It just made her really difficult to work with, because you were always on tenterhooks, and always felt like you were failing, no matter how hard you tried.”

The counselling helped Irene understand the manager’s behaviour. “I would deal with those things very differently now. She had targets to meet and had a boss on her case, and she was extremely stressed all the time,” she said. “She needed a scapegoat.”

Sometimes it takes an outsider — a counsellor, perhaps — to help us work out whether we are victims of emotional campaigns, or just upset by someone’s manner or tone.

But we can also help ourselves by trying to de-stress and look at the big picture, says Meredith. When we have breathing space, we reflect on how significant this person is in the context of our whole life, and whether we can do anything to better manage our own responses.

The difference between encountering mean girls at high school and mean women in adulthood is that back then, we were young and insecure; as adults, we have experience, perspective, and choice.

Sally, for example, left Vanessa’s martial arts training centre and found a new one, where she was valued and respected.

And one day, when she confessed why she had left her earlier centre, she found a little vindication too. Other women had left for the same reason.

So she wasn’t imagining Vanessa’s behaviour, and it wasn’t her fault; it was just that, mentally at least, some girls never quite leave the playground.

*Names changed for legal reasons.

The post How to handle the nasty women in your life appeared first on Now To Love.

We’re all on different paths and as our lives, relationships and health changes, so too do our sexual healthcare needs.

In your teens and 20s

For many young women, contraception is key to sexual health. Dr Newman reminds us that there are many different types of contraception and many factors to consider.

“Working out what is most suited to you and your situation is best achieved with your doctor,” says Dr Newman.

“And remember, as your life or relationships change, the best-suited option may change too, so keep checking in.”

Read more about contraception options, including one you may not know a lot about.

Of course, pleasure is an essential part of a healthy sex life too.

And that begins with open, honest and clear communication between you and your partner, to ensure you’re both enjoying yourselves and are satisfied.

Dr Newman said younger people are at an increased risk of contracting chlamydia.

“This STI can be silent with no obvious symptoms – so that’s why a chlamydia test is recommended at least once a year, when you’re under the age of 30. This can be done with a simple urine test.”

Cervical screening tests begin when you’re 25 years old and continue until 74 years.

“Even if you’ve been vaccinated for HPV (the virus that causes cervical cancer), screening is essential,” says Dr Newman.

A test is carried out every five years, if your results are normal. Read more about the cervical screening test here.

“For younger women, it’s also important to talk about period problems with your doctor.”

“Periods can often be irregular in adolescence, but the main thing to ensure is that your period pain and/or heavy bleeding is not impacting your quality of life or stopping you from going to school or playing sport.”

In your 30s

As we move into our 30s, for many women the focus of sexual healthcare shifts from contraception to fertility planning.

Dr Newman explains that the ability to have a baby depends to a large degree on the age of your eggs.

“Women younger than 35 and men younger than 40 have a better chance of having a baby than people who are older,” she says.

Read more about the factors that affect fertility on the Your Fertility website.

WATCH BELOW: The easy at-home arm workout that’s going viral online! Article continues after video.

With fertility planning comes preconception healthcare. You can read about that here.

With pregnancy, the focus turns to perinatal healthcare (that is pre- and postnatal health), which you can read about here.

If you choose not to have children, sexual healthcare is usually the same as it was in your 20s, ensuring you’re practising safer sex and having STI and cervical screening tests as needed.

In your 40s

The 40s can be a time of hormonal change, and possibly a time of hormonal chaos.

Although the average age of menopause (that is, the final menstrual period) is 51 years, the changes that come with it often begin 4-5 years earlier, during what is called perimenopause – the lead-up to menopause.

Many women find their periods start to become irregular and often heavier.

“A common pattern is, you have heavy periods as a teenager, things settle down in your 20s and 30s, and then you have heavy periods again,” says Dr Newman.

Read more about heavy bleeding and how to know if your periods are too heavy here.

“As your periods start to slow down, women often start thinking about stopping their contraception, as they believe that pregnancy isn’t possible,” says Dr Newman.

“If you don’t want to conceive, use contraception for 1-2 years after your last period.”

And remember, you still need to protect yourself from STIs after your periods stop.

In your 50s

Libido can be another part of sexual health that is affected by changing hormones, but Dr Newman says we shouldn’t be too quick to generalise.

“There is some evidence that libido drops with age, but it also drops with the age of the relationship and for a whole variety of other reasons – stress, certain medications and relationship issues are just a few examples,” she says.

“And it happens across the lifespan. It’s important to know that women of a certain age don’t lose interest in sex. Sex is not just a young people’s thing.”

Read more about libido (for women of all ages) here.

WATCH BELOW: Six foods for boosting and calming your mood. Story continues after video.

Many women are re-entering the dating scene in their midlife years, after the end of a marriage or long-term relationship.

Dr Newman says that this puts safer sex education and STI screening back on the center stage.

“You may think that because you’re older the same risks and rules of STIs don’t apply,” she says. “But anyone can catch one.”

For tips on talking about condoms and safer sex, read our article, How to have the talk with your new partner.

In your 60s and beyond

A common issue for women in this age group is vulval and/or vaginal dryness and a lack of vaginal elasticity.

“These symptoms often occur in women in their 50s, but it tends to be more common in your 60s,” says Dr Newman.

“After menopause, our bodies no longer make much oestrogen,” explains Dr Newman.

“Because of this, our skin in general, and the vulva and vagina in particular, become drier.”

With these changes, sex can become painful without some extra help.

“Two important things that can help with this issue are a vaginal oestrogen or using a good-quality lubricant when you have sex, so speak to your pharmacist or doctor,” says Dr Newman.

A pelvic floor physiotherapist can also help to relax and release overtightened muscles of the pelvic floor and treat some causes of painful sex.

When it comes to enjoying a healthy sex life, Dr Newman reminds us that age need not be a barrier.

“When you’re in your 70s, you don’t have to worry about the kids barging in on you and you’re not distracted by stress from work, so it can be a great time to enjoy sex,” she says.

Watch a video from Jean Hailes Medical Director and gynaecologist, Dr Elizabeth Farrell, talking about Five things to know about sex in later life.

This article originally appeared on the Jean Hailes website and has been republished with permission.

This story is published as part of a promotion for Women’s Health Week, 7-11 September 2020, of which The Australian Women’s Weekly is a proud supporter. Find out more about this initiative here.

The post What you need to know about sexual health as you age appeared first on Now To Love.

But a shock cancer diagnosis turned her family’s world upside down. In just four months, her incredible husband was gone.

Finding a new partner and dating again was the last thing on Keti’s mind, but about 18 months ago she finally bit the bullet and dipped her toe into the world of online dating.

“It was completely daunting and totally different. My husband was the love of my life and my first real relationship. We met when I was 21, married, had children and suddenly that’s all gone. I’m 53 and trying to get back into the dating scene and it’s challenging,” Keti told Now To Love.

“He was the sold breadwinner, so that made it very financially challenging. You’re starting all over again. You have to get back into workforce and find a partner, just like if you were an 18 or 19-year-old again.”

Trying to forge a genuine connection with someone online proved tough.

“We didn’t have social media back then, we had real conversations face to face and you’d meet people through dinners or at gatherings, but society has changed so dramatically,” she said.

“We are super busy with work and at this age, a lot of my friends are married with their own families, so to find a group of people to go out with is difficult.”

READ NEXT: This is the best diet for women over 50

After downloading Tinder and Bumble, Keti went on a few dates with different men, but found they were clearly just interested in a casual sexual relationship.

“Sometimes they don’t have honourable intentions. They’re not after a genuine connection and you can sense it immediately,” Keti said.

“Or they want something instant and a full on relationship, but you need to start as friends first with a genuine connection. It does all fade away and when you’re in your eighties and nineties, it’s the companionship and friendship that’s the lasting element.”

Plus, she found about “80 per cent” of the men she was chatting to ended up being fake profiles.

“They’re all engineers working on oil rigs. I just couldn’t believe it,” she said.

READ NEXT: A dating expert reveals how to find love and make friends when you’re over 50

Catfishing, the practice where a victim engages in an online relationship with someone who fakes their identity, is becoming a massive problem for Australian women who are starting to date again later in life.

In fact, people over the age of 45 make up 50 per cent of all scams relating to dating and romance. 1,950 people were involved in dating and romance scams in Australia between in the first six months of 2019 alone and lost over $11 million as a result. The average catfishing relationship lasts five-and-a-half months.

This catfishing epidemic among older Aussie women was what led former journalist Charly Lester to set up a brand new dating app called Lumen, designed especially for people aged 50 and over.

The free app has has 300,000 members from all over the world, including the US, UK, Ireland, Canada and New Zealand, with more than 20,000 Aussies now using the app to find love.

Lumen uses advanced technology to ensure that catfishers are kept at bay, plus only people over 50 are allowed on the app, to encourage people do date others their own age.

But some catfishers go to extreme lengths to dupe the system, even using photos of celebrities as their profile picture to swindle naïve users, with many uploading images of celebs like Donald Trump, David Bowie, Marilyn Monroe and Katherine Hepburn to try to nab an innocent user.

Lying about your age and what you look like is pretty common in online dating, but Lumen’s special technology forces people to be honest.

“When you sign up, the app asks you to take a selfie. You can’t get any further if you can’t take a selfie,” Charly told Now To Love.

“Then that selfie is used behind the scenes to verify if you’re the person you say you are.

“We use AI [artificial intelligence] in the same way that machines in airports do.

“We cross reference 600 points on your face to check you’re the same person in the photo and it roughly guesses your age.

“It flags your photo with us if you look significantly younger. So you can’t get onto Lumen if you’re in your twenties.”

This technology is something Keti says she is grateful for.

“I find men my age are after younger women, but on Lumen it’s people who are comfortable in their skin,” she said.

“They’re not embarrassed to advertise their age. Their age is something to be embraced, because not everyone makes it to 50 so it’s something to be celebrated.”

WATCH BELOW: Top tips for dating later on in life. Story continues after video.

Top tips to avoid being catfished

1. Always keep communication on the dating app or website, where it can be moderated and you can easily block or report someone for suspicious behaviour.

2. Use dating apps or sites which use anti-scammer software and offer identity verification.

3. Double-check the information someone gives you on websites like LinkedIn, to check they are who they say they are.

4. Use apps or websites which use GPS to ensure you are talking to someone who is nearby.

5. Never provide personal information which could be used to steal your identity.

Top warning signs you’re dating a catfisher

1. They make excuses about why they can’t meet in real life.

2. Your gut tells you they are too good to be true.

3. They don’t have any internet footprint – no social media accounts, or accounts with very few friends or followers.

4. They ask you for financial help before you have ever met them.

5. You reverse image search their photos, and someone else’s name or social media accounts come up.

Keti’s top tips for dating again later in life

• “Never rush into a relationship, even though it can be really lonely to be on your own. It is quite lonely, quite often. I go to the theatre on my own and it would be nice to go to the movies or dinner or theatre and just have friendly conversation. But my advice is don’t rush into anything. We are allowed to have some selection criteria and not settle. I’d rather be happy than settle, and if that means being happy on my own for a while, then so be it.”

• “Know what you want. You’ll be able to immediately sense if someone isn’t right for you”.

• “Find someone roughly your age who isn’t afraid to own it. We’re all afraid of ageing but it’s something we should celebrate, because not everyone gets to live to their 50s.”

• “Go with your gut.”

The post A 53-year-old widow reveals the truth about dating again later in life appeared first on Now To Love.

Guided by her own separation experience, Anju wanted to share the personal and professional advice she’s learned along the way, in the hope that her pain may serve other people experiencing something similar.

Here she shares with Now To Love her tips for navigating the difficult divorce conversation with your children.

Figuring out the living arrangements post-separation is quite emotional.

They say that home is where the heart is, but what happens when your heart is broken? What happens when all your dreams of creating a family are now fractured?

During a separation, your “home” is unstable or at risk of being taken away.

The place you used to come home to for refuge, your happy place, is now in jeopardy.

Money limits most of us from moving on faster than we would like in some situations, so we end up in less-than-ideal situations due to financial constraints.

Let’s run through some of the living situations you might find yourself in, along with some very helpful resources I wish I had known about during my own separation!

Some of us have to co-exist under the same roof, while separated

This situation can be beyond anything you can imagine.

Obviously, most of us end up in this scenario because of a sheer lack of options!

Let’s hope for your sake it is a plan for the short term!

Some lucky couples can co-exist and have a mutual respect that works, but I think it is safe to say that those situations are rare!

Some end up having to stay under the same roof with their abusers, cheating partners, alcoholics, and a myriad of other profiles.

My situation meant that we agreed to co-exist until our paperwork was done. This period lasted approximately four months and ended the day before my birthday!

Feeling empowered, I announced that the paperwork was done, signed and delivered. And just like that he was GONE!

Of course, I was devastated and relieved at the same time.

This situation would work better if both parties mutually agreed on the rules of co-existing, while co-existing.

Some people move in with family

I did not have to endure this scenario, but some people are forced to. You do what you need to do.

The benefit to this situation is that you are not alone and you may have “some” support.

The help I had in my situation was mostly paid, with the exception of two hours a week from family, and a few days during school holidays.

If moving in with family is the situation you find yourself in, then perhaps sitting down with the family and setting up expectations and being clear on what you need may help.

What happens when you no longer have a home?

There are several housing support services available out there that help families find a home in emergency situations.

Rental assistance is also available in the form of Centrelink and Bond assistance for people applying for private rentals (each scheme has eligibility requirements so contact each office for more info).

Whatever your circumstances, you are most likely going through a myriad of emotions and feelings of disbelief that your life has ended up here.

Taking care of yourself should be a priority for the benefit of any kids that you may have.

There are free resources on The Separation Exchange, plus these links below detail the free housing options available in each state.

• Housing Victoria has a site dedicated to finding places to stay

• Service NSW has a site that lists housing specific for NSW

• NT Housing assistance

• WA Housing assistance

• TAS Housing assistance

• QLD housing assistance

• ACT Housing assistance

WATCH BELOW: Sarah Ferguson reveals her “self hatred” following divorce from Prince Andrew. Story continues after video.

How to support your kids during a move

During this transition, the kids can be impacted immensely.

The displacement affects all of us, however FDR mediator and child consultant Renee Fedele (you can find her details online here) has some excellent book suggestions for your kids that can help explain the two-home setup.

• Two Homes by Claire Masurel

• It’s Just Different Now by Linda Espie

• The Suitcase Kid by Jacqueline Wilson

Home IS where the heart is, but during the tough transition period all we can do is try our best.

Ride the storm and take each day as it comes. Allow yourself to just be sad sometimes, then shake it off and keep moving forward!

For me, home was wherever my kids were, and as long as I had them, I was home.

For more resources on divorce and separation, visit The Separation Exchange.

The post How to decide where to live during a separation and after a divorce appeared first on Now To Love.

Guided by her own separation experience, Anju wanted to share the personal and professional advice she’s learned along the way, in the hope that her pain may serve other people experiencing something similar.

Here she shares with Now To Love her tips for navigating the difficult divorce conversation with your children.

Whatever the reason for your separation or divorce, breaking the news to your kids will most likely be very emotional and upsetting, for both you and them.

Depending on the ages of your kids, this conversation is likely to be one they won’t forget.

So here are three tips to help guide you through this difficult conversation, so that both you and your kids can achieve the best outcome.

WATCH: Cassandra Thorburn on her divorce from Karl Stefanovic. Post continues after video…

1. Have a game plan

I am not saying your conversation needs to be scripted, but preparing what you are going to tell your kids, well in advance, is always helpful.

Have a general approach and think about the basics of what you want to communicate to them, prior to the reveal.

“Having a clear plan for when the separation is happening and what it will mean for the kids is important,” said Jay Anderson, a registered psychologist, counsellor and play therapist.

“Communicate key information, for example, that the kids will keep living with mum in our house and dad will catch up with you on the weekends,” Jay said.

“Some families decide that the kids will live with dad one week and with mum the other week, so you could say ‘We are going to see how that goes for all of us’.”

2. Keep the discussion age-appropriate

Make your reveal about your divorce age-appropriate. In my experience, keeping things simple when your kids are young (say ages two-10) is a good start.

When we separated, we explored many options, including delivering the news somewhere away from home, but in the end we opted for delivering the news in our home as it was where the kids felt safest.

You know your kids best, so the place and timing of your delivery will be best selected by you and the other parent.

If your children are older and now teenagers, Davina Donovan, a psychologist who works with teenagers gave the following top tips on revealing the news to teens:

• Be honest and transparent with your kids. They need to know what is happening and when.

• You cannot protect them from everything. They will experience difficult emotions and this is OK. It is not about avoiding emotions, but helping them to navigate through them.

• You must consider your kids and their welfare, but you cannot be controlled by this. Doing everything for your kids could put you in a less than optimal position, which in turn impacts your kids. Balance your welfare with theirs.

WATCH BELOW: The truth about the divorce between The Wiggles stars Lachie and Emma. Story continues after video.

3. Remember that this “reveal” is for the kids, so remain focused on them

During such an emotional period, it is often challenging to rein in your emotions and focus on the kids.

Separation can often bring out the worst in both people involved, but leaving that aside and putting your kids’ best interests first will be so beneficial to them!

So hang up the boxing gloves, take a deep breath and remember that the kids need you to keep yourself together and NOT lose your sh–!

Keep in mind all of these decisions you are making are adult ones, and they need to know how their world will continue after this news has been delivered.

For more information about divorce and separation, visit The Separation Exchange.

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